trying to vent

t was a cold winter night, when I had to learn to fight.
To fight for my innocence, and fight for my right...
To not be brought in to his devilish sins...
but yet he FORCED me, forced me to give in.

He held me by the neck, and held my arms down..
He pulled down my pants, &I couldn't make a sound..
He stuck it in deep, and the evil would seep, into my life..
Making it evil&full of strife.
His friends thought it was funny, they even offered me money..
but they gave me my reward, it came in a little tiny sword..
a sword called a needle, but it was very evil..
It entered my life, and entered my veins,
the very reason why life would never be the same.

I remember the nights hiding in fear,
fear that this ''man'' was coming near...
I dreamed of his face for 2 years to come,
and I remember looking around, but still I found none.
If they were there&I was to fucked up to care..
You'd think they would stop me, and help me get free...
but yet they sat back&just let me be.
Its a personal choice though, but not for a child..
a child whose love was always cut mild.


Is there even a reason for me to change??
Is there even a reason for me to not be the same??
Do you know the pain I went through,
and now you expect me to be perfect for you??
I'm trying my best, but it's not good enough...
I guess I just gotta learn how to grow up&be tough.
But how the fuck can I grow?? If I never even began..
because my childhood was ruined by a man.
But yet, I can't talk, I must hold it in..
I can't tell a soul about the devilish men.
I keep running in circles, away from my self.
Running in circles, away from my secret hell.