Attempt So Wrong

Walls of white surround me
Screams and shouts in my way
Straps adorn my arms and legs
This is to keep you safe they say
This is to keep you alive I didn't want to live I wanted to die
That bottle of valium and vodka
I poured in my mouth and swallowed
Fell asleep deep in coma almost death
I wanted this attempt to be my last
I wanted this attempt to bring my end

Doctors rushed around my lifeless body
Hooked up to machines and a stomach pump
My mother looks on tears in her eyes
She never knew I wanted to die
I never wanted her to cry
38 hours I stayed asleep no movement
As I opened my eyes all I see is white
I start screaming and swearing

I hit these nurses I make them fall
You saved me I wanted death
You cunts, you whore I'm pissed
Pushing me with a hypodermal they inject me
Relaxed face, breath becomes shallow
I wanted out of this life
I wanted set free of my strife
I'm still living due to god she says

Fuck god it's the devil I seek
My head pounding my stomach sore
I beg for her to release me
I just feel like running away
Can't take this shit
No glory of my life I love
I wanna burn with the sun
Want my ashes spread through the wind

I want to go home leave and die
Locked up I'm staying for a long time
Locked up I'm staying no release to home
My mother swears she had no clue
How many times have I lied
How many times have I tried to die
Uncommon pain I examined
Forever withholding my throne


Living without hope, a lost soul
Should I push forward or hold back
I can't contemplate this death struggle
I scream for release I fight against them
They threaten me with the tourniquet IV
Hooked up to a heart monitor it beeps
Blood pressure soaring high
Heart rate increases ten fold

My cardiac is resisting this
My cardiac is letting go
My mother stares on
Stares with tears in her eyes
I swear tonight my luck will change
I fall asleep deep coma arrives
My heart is failing taking my life
I can't ait to finally be set free

No light at the end of the tunnel for me
Fuck god it's the devil I seek
Skin begins to turn blue
Skin starts fading fast no oxygen
Doctors paddle my chest I'm flat lining out
I promised my loved one's I would stay
But I can't continue this life of pain
Fluid fills my lungs I'm drowning

The beep that sound she falls to her knees
Her first born her baby gone never coming back
I leave behind my family
But death brings me to eternity
Life after death is unsure
My body, mind, and soul died
No resuscitation possible now
No way I can be saved

This life I left behind is scarred
Can't wait to feel the fire pain
Singed flesh I beckon him close
Take my body, use and abuse me
Take away my soul, take me home
Devil take me, use and abuse me