deepundergroundpoetry.com
I am bad
I love you today, but kill u tomorrow
I am BAD
My love for you is eternal, yet i would rip out your soul
I am MAD
Your tears are an elixir and your sadness... my only goal
I am SAD
Loves flame will soon die out and your kisses be forgotten
I will be GLAD
Yet you would still be welcome into my heart... Tear it out..
and watch it BLEED...
I am a poor poor LAD
I am BAD
My love for you is eternal, yet i would rip out your soul
I am MAD
Your tears are an elixir and your sadness... my only goal
I am SAD
Loves flame will soon die out and your kisses be forgotten
I will be GLAD
Yet you would still be welcome into my heart... Tear it out..
and watch it BLEED...
I am a poor poor LAD
Published 14th Jan 2011
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The author encourages honest critique.
14th Jan 2011 12:50pm
This poem has got emotion behind it, great job. Can not wait to see what else you come up with.
15th Jan 2011 3:36pm
Overall I really like this poem, I would change the last line though. It seems like the rhyme LAD here is forced. I would maybe just take that line out and end with "You you would still be welcome into my heart... tear it out... and watch it BLEED." I think that would be a much stronger ending. When ending it with that, you leave the reader with a certain emotion and they hold on to that and it makes the poem stronger.
16th Jan 2011 3:09am
thanks for the advice.. I see where you are coming from and it does make much sense... I'll try to apply this to future work
16th Jan 2011 3:59pm
21st Jan 2011 5:03am
i think this is a great poem i feel it is about someone that has self hate so they cause pain but feel sorry for it
