Rant...

After a while, all the pain that you go through makes you numb. You realize that you can't change everything and make it better. You realize that there's people who will always try and ruin your happiness and there's people who witness them doing that but seldom do anything to help. Why is this world so fucked up that a "mother" would use a baby as a pawn to hurt someone else's feelings, knowing that she's hurting the baby's feelings too. How could a person be so heartless as to knowing that someone loved them more than anything, yet string them along for their own person feeling of control? Why are you hurting the person who did nothing but help to build you into everything that you wanted but you're trying to satisfy the person who destroyed every hope and dream that you had? Why do people think that it's okay to just play with people like their puppets? Do you not know these types of actions cause depression? Do you even know what depression feels like? Well, let me tell you. Depression feels like you're running down an endless hallway where the lights are rapidly shutting off, and you're trying to escape before the darkness consumes you but YOU CANT. Depression also feels like you're sinking to the darkest depths of the ocean, you're drowning, but yet when you look around yourself, everyone else is still breathing. Do you know what it's like to be backed into a corner where you think that nobody gives a fuck about you because THEY ALL LEAVE. All my life.. I felt like nobody gave a flying fuck about me, until two people came into my life. But what I learned was, one of them really didn't give a fuck, they were just using me. & now, it feels like the baby is starting to hate me for not being around.. But, it's not my fault. & I've tried everything I can... But I can't do anything about it. As soon as I found the light at the end of the hallway and was able to learn how to swim.. The last light, it started flickering and my arms, my arms are getting too worn out to bring me to the surface of the ocean. Here I am, yet again in my life.. Backed into a corner, with nobody to turn to.