how i live

im addicted afflicted
alone cold struggling
the illness addiction
i cant say no apparently
drugs make me smile
when the burden of this way of life
takes its toll its beyond my control
outta reach the life i shared
with my kids and husband
abuse and physical pain
caused opiate addiction
i cant outrun the very real need
each day compiles more and more of a dose
to feel well not high just functional
i cant say i hate all of it
just the fake people nothing real or tangible
everytime i ingest this demon
i allow satans blood to feed me
i hate being one of the minions
unable to function now without it
i am poison walking dead girl alive
if a zombie is what you consider living
i will someday beable to live
with my mistakes that landed me here
i cook it up and my eyes fill with tears
this is another year i havent stopped
another pill i popped i light a ciggerette
inhale and sit again with my regrets
alone cold too old to call it a lifetime
but for loveing myself well that i can forget
i try to exhale the negative but this is how i live
so in my prayers i try to forgive