deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Whisper
I hear your voice
Hidden in a whisper
I thought the hard part was over
My evil nightmare
Come in sudden lectures
To walk to nowhere
I will say no
A dark and lonely war
Enjoyed alone
Mirror Mirror
I see more of me everyday
Till this whisper soon fades away
Hidden in a whisper
I thought the hard part was over
My evil nightmare
Come in sudden lectures
To walk to nowhere
I will say no
A dark and lonely war
Enjoyed alone
Mirror Mirror
I see more of me everyday
Till this whisper soon fades away
Published 26th Sep 2013
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The author encourages honest critique.
26th Sep 2013 3:43am
Welcome to the sight.
I think this delivers a resonant message, I just don't understand why the explicit tag was put on.
Good write though
I think this delivers a resonant message, I just don't understand why the explicit tag was put on.
Good write though
26th Sep 2013 4:23am
26th Sep 2013 4:57am
Welcome
first and last stanzas are ok, I'd change the first around a little though
I thought the hard part was over
but I still hear your voice
hidden in a whisper
I think you should find a better way of expressing stanzas two and three. They may make perfect sense to you but come on man! throw us a bone here. All seriousness aside, I done the same thing when I started posting here, wrote stuff that seemed really clever to me but read as gobbldygoop to any one else
your idea is sound, just try work on your clarity
anyhow good stuff mrmidnight
