Loosing it when it was never real

I need some help
I need a friend
do you have someone
to recommend?
I feel the anguish
push back in
I don't want to be on
pills again
I'm loosing sense 
of what is real
I no longer trust 
in what I feel
a chemical imbalance
is what I fight
while I resist the prescriptions
that prolong the nights
puts me back in a haze
where I don't feel a thing
and because that's my choice
it's angering
to know that I battle
this polarity
why can't I be happy
and just be me?
some said if I ignored it
it was all in my head
this bitter assumption
has left me half dead
for I self medicated
a year or longer
with parties and fun drugs
I thought I grew stronger 
but when the beat dies
and the bars have closed down
I'm left in reality
in which I will drown
unless I find some help
and find a friend
do you have someone
to recommend?