Aversion

I loved her

her self-consciousness

what Freud would call

"censorship" she was

loving lovingly to a

fault but adverse to

self-transcendence

self-aversion looking

peering inside (if there

is a self where else is

it to be discovered unhinged?)

given all that occurred in her

unacknowledged emotional world

her untethered responses which

constitute all I have of her:

from head-wedged eerie unprecedented

pre-consciousness do any of these

missive psychic provenances apply

to me?  even though especially in

early morning she appeared like a

sorely overloaded coffee table.