Stuck in a loop.

It's the same old promise
I know I'll break,
With different terms,
The same ends.

'I'll love you enough for the both of us'
Turned into
Why doesn't he love me,
What did I do,
What didn't I do,
What could I have done.

'I'll stop this path of self destruction'
Became a loop.
Of drinking too much,
Hurting too much,
Fighting,
Putting myself in danger,
To protect others,
In the hope I wouldn't live to tell the tale.

'I'll make something of myself'
Morphed in to
I'll do this degree,
To get this job,
To barely make ends meet,
So we can have a half life.

Now, we'll move in together.
To become that couple
That no one wants to know about,
To become bitter,
To prove you wrong.

To show you I can make this work,
With no effort from you.
Driving myself into the ground,
Loving enough for the both of us,
In that loop of self destruction,
Not able to make ends meet.
Just because I'm too stubborn,
To fall out of love with you.