Stay With Me

Stay with me
I’m not an excellent communicator and
I trip on my words more often than most
Trip on laces but when these
Shoes are knotted, they’ll be a million times
Stronger than that one you tie off with.
Don’t let your butterflies escape
Don’t let them out of the holes my bloody
Fist smashed into our walls.
Stay with me
Sometimes my anxiety reaches for the knob
In my mouth, the one controlling the
Volume of my insecurities,
Sometimes they turn the sound up
Far too loud and without warning, all
My speakers are soon blown out and
I’m screaming, crying --
[ Nervous breakdown ]
I try so hard to keep the speaker volume
Down, to keep the noise level from
Getting maxed out
But I can’t // can’t stay calm
They reach for that knob before I ever
Get a chance to run.
When my mind takes back control
After I complete a sound check or two,
I’ll apologize for every word I said
     To you, I’m sorry
Stay with me
I’m sorry for every word I didn’t mean
I’m sorry for telling you to pack your shit
And leave,
I’m sorry for throwing a fit inside your
Broken heart,
While you cried on the floor and fell apart
Sorry for pushing your friends away and
Washing your patience down the drain, I’m
Sorry for the cold shoulder,
For the clouds I turned grey--
Instead of sunshine they only brought
You rain, I wish I could have been your
Umbrella rather than this leaky roof
With more holes punched in it, I’m
Sorry for ever causing your heart to
Ache, tried to be the medicine but
This rage is an infection disease.
When I cough I'll cover my mouth,
Promise I'll disinfect my words
Before letting them spill out.
I’ll keep the volume low and the mirror
From breaking onto our bedroom floor
I’ll keep my knuckles off the drywall,
I'll try my hardest to stay calm—
.. Somehow.
Baby, I'll love you
Unconditionally
Until the day I die or you
Realize you can do much better
Than me.. until then,
Just please—
Stay with me?