deepundergroundpoetry.com
As the wind rustles
As the wind rustles in your black hair
Your charming smile warms my heart
As numerous stars shine in space
Your nice eyes gleam in your face
As pale sky announces future dawn
Your skin is pale with reflects of fawn
I never fell in love with a young girl
As you did with me, you seems frail
Your charming smile warms my heart
As numerous stars shine in space
Your nice eyes gleam in your face
As pale sky announces future dawn
Your skin is pale with reflects of fawn
I never fell in love with a young girl
As you did with me, you seems frail
Published 15th Sep 2013
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Anonymous
15th Sep 2013 7:03am
A lovely poem, but i'm not quite sure of what you're saying in the last line...
You are right, I had difficulties to express my feeling in english and there was some ambiguity in this sentence. I have modified it, more simply, hope it is better. Thank you for your help. Thank you for your glance on my english poetry, French is easier for me, but I love challenges too.
Anonymous
17th Sep 2013 2:51am
I know how difficult it is to think in one language and speak in another, much else to write.
and some words, sometimes there's no proper acute translations to it as it's understood in a particular culture.
but the fact that 80% of your work is quite well should say something on how good you are, the rest will come slowly with time, well done!
and some words, sometimes there's no proper acute translations to it as it's understood in a particular culture.
but the fact that 80% of your work is quite well should say something on how good you are, the rest will come slowly with time, well done!
Anonymous
17th Sep 2013 2:53am
By the way, i saw that you had entered in two competitions. Very happy you did that and good luck!
17th Sep 2013 8:27am
Thank you, dear Vee for your two comments and your encouragement... Hope to progress. Trying in competition is just to measure how I progress, not to win. Perhaps a day! But I have to increase my level. I have tried to write in french and translate in english, but it is more difficult and need a very long time. Sometimes, it should be more poetic, because I could built the poem in my native language, the translation had to respect only the signification and the structure.
