Could use some help

I tattooed your name
across my heart
for a fleeting look,
a breath
of my name
upon your lips,
but, instead,
you gave me
the white noise
of fingernails
scraping across
a flat surface;
it's a chalkboard

I loved you,
and it became to you
just an academic question.

Lol well yes it is a chalkboard you win lol

Don't think you have enough here to decide if it lives or dies. The first stanza is not bad.. I would change it to "over a fleeting look" this makes it more clear and I think you should go with that and delete the second stanza. The two of them are not really equal, but tring to join them with "instead" gives the impression that you are making them equal. The first suggests a life changing decision made based upon a whim. The second just suggests something unpleasant. They are going to different places. Hence I say run with the first idea and forget the fingernails.

I think I'm going to actually scrap the entire thing!  maybe I'll save some of it Ty kindly sir xoxo

I liked it, but you can always go back to edit if you need to Gigi...

Strider

Ty strider I may just erase for now and use it elsewhere xoxo

i like the concept gg.

especially the 2nd stanza.

a lil elaboration i think would do us all well tho.

anyway i still dig it lady..

Thanks mr rot xoxo

I think this has great potential with very little editing needed.

When something just comes into your head and falls onto the page.  It usually has great meaning.

I really like it Gigi. :)

Awe Ty maybe I won't scrap it I'll just work on it and see what happens Ty xoxo

Stop Trying To 'Make Sense' - 'sense' the way we're conditioned to think of it, is anathema to creativity....it leads ye to dig a very prosaic hole into ground deep under banality -

so sayeth the Lord

Very true Daniel xoxo ty

Ty kas I'm still working on this I'm trying to improve so we shall see

Well I hate looking like a copycat... After tire wrote an entire piece, it was a buzz kill becuz I instantly saw something to work with lol anyways, the beginning is an excellent setup for a variety of directions :)

I like the beginning best I wanna scratch the rest off I may just do that . Idk by next week if I can't fix it, it'll be tossed Ty for your timexoxo

Reads like a heartbreak song by one of my favorite bands, Sade. I can hear the sax now. Runningturtle's ending works.

Well Ty sir

Should erase this lol Ty