deepundergroundpoetry.com
Weather(whether) or NOT
conversations dripping in the air
encrypted in the hush just dangling there
the humidity of the past drifts in arid streams
of heated polarity and sunburned screams
blistering my vocal chord in scorching reprieve
of bubbling venom,choking the life outta me
as TEMPERatures rise,such sweltering heat
slowly scorching my senses and i cant speak
thoughts saturated with bitter memories
that blurs my vision til my head feels cloudy
in a dense fog ,the culmination cause condensation
water spouts from my eyes out of sheer frustration
peeling thru layers like acid rain
drizzled on my mind,corroding my brain
while harsh winds whip and whittle away my skin
chiseling down to my heart seething within
soul's vunerabilities spill, swirl and swarm
a whirlwind of unspoken words, the perfect storm
how do i let go of this anger, when it is all i have
for years my love for you was fueled by my wrath
i dont know how to love u,i was never taught
for years i chased ur love and now its no longer sought
im afraid to trust you, still hurt by the last knife
confused cause i still want and need you in my life
now that there's a chance at a real father/ daughter relationship
i dont know how to get out of my own way and stop sabbataging it
maybe deep down i want you to hurt like i hurt when you weren't there
even tho i know that vengence and hurt wont prove that you do care
guess im just wired wrong, there's something broken in my thinking
when you say you have always loved me i just stare at you blankly, blinking
holding back, a floodgate of tears,i just cant let go
clinging to this love/hate cause it is all i know
my ears hear the words but my heart and mind just cant process it
strange cause you saying those 3 lil words used to be my greatest wish
you made me feel unwanted, unloveable,least not by you
wasted tears searching to fill the void in my heart left by you
i wish i could forget all the broken promises that drove me mad
now i question can i ever forgive you when i cant even bring myself to call you dad!
encrypted in the hush just dangling there
the humidity of the past drifts in arid streams
of heated polarity and sunburned screams
blistering my vocal chord in scorching reprieve
of bubbling venom,choking the life outta me
as TEMPERatures rise,such sweltering heat
slowly scorching my senses and i cant speak
thoughts saturated with bitter memories
that blurs my vision til my head feels cloudy
in a dense fog ,the culmination cause condensation
water spouts from my eyes out of sheer frustration
peeling thru layers like acid rain
drizzled on my mind,corroding my brain
while harsh winds whip and whittle away my skin
chiseling down to my heart seething within
soul's vunerabilities spill, swirl and swarm
a whirlwind of unspoken words, the perfect storm
how do i let go of this anger, when it is all i have
for years my love for you was fueled by my wrath
i dont know how to love u,i was never taught
for years i chased ur love and now its no longer sought
im afraid to trust you, still hurt by the last knife
confused cause i still want and need you in my life
now that there's a chance at a real father/ daughter relationship
i dont know how to get out of my own way and stop sabbataging it
maybe deep down i want you to hurt like i hurt when you weren't there
even tho i know that vengence and hurt wont prove that you do care
guess im just wired wrong, there's something broken in my thinking
when you say you have always loved me i just stare at you blankly, blinking
holding back, a floodgate of tears,i just cant let go
clinging to this love/hate cause it is all i know
my ears hear the words but my heart and mind just cant process it
strange cause you saying those 3 lil words used to be my greatest wish
you made me feel unwanted, unloveable,least not by you
wasted tears searching to fill the void in my heart left by you
i wish i could forget all the broken promises that drove me mad
now i question can i ever forgive you when i cant even bring myself to call you dad!
Published 22nd Aug 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
reading list entries 2
comments 9
reads 1192
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The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
22nd Aug 2013 8:54pm
If ever there was a case for anger filled with a positive, you've nailed it! Loved your line:
"holding back, a floodgate of tears,i just cant let go
clinging to this love/hate cause it is all i know"
Enjoyed!!!
tornado
"holding back, a floodgate of tears,i just cant let go
clinging to this love/hate cause it is all i know"
Enjoyed!!!
tornado
22nd Aug 2013 10:31pm
23rd Aug 2013 1:14am
Omfg!!! This was like the slickest smoothest wordplay for the first few stanzas n I was totally bobbing
n nodding to your flow, then you brought the hammer down
n with it the pain!! Don't get me wrong it was DARK from the outset by by the time u literally revealed the reasons
for the mental upheaval it impacted me in a totally different way... Your ink was Masterful!!! so sorry for ur sadness though :(
n nodding to your flow, then you brought the hammer down
n with it the pain!! Don't get me wrong it was DARK from the outset by by the time u literally revealed the reasons
for the mental upheaval it impacted me in a totally different way... Your ink was Masterful!!! so sorry for ur sadness though :(
23rd Aug 2013 3:20pm
Wow thank you kindly for the lovely comment Poetikmind..always much appreciation for you taking the time to read my thoughts :)
Anonymous
23rd Aug 2013 2:03am
Stormy weather, whether or not... Hoping you can get past the pain.
23rd Aug 2013 3:23pm
Im striving,as always Im a work in progress...thank you for the encouraging words petit :)
25th Aug 2013 3:04am
soul's vunerabilities spill, swirl and swarm
a whirlwind of unspoken words, the perfect storm
how do i let go of this anger, when it is all i have
for years my love for you was fueled by my wrath
Instead of sunshine it's starvation that makes some of us reach so hard. There's decades of passion behind this one, running so strong. Thank you for a brave release, mon cheri!
a whirlwind of unspoken words, the perfect storm
how do i let go of this anger, when it is all i have
for years my love for you was fueled by my wrath
Instead of sunshine it's starvation that makes some of us reach so hard. There's decades of passion behind this one, running so strong. Thank you for a brave release, mon cheri!
25th Aug 2013 9:56am
Aint that the truth...thanks for reading Sir Loki :) no words for how much i appreciate your continued support -hugz
27th Dec 2013 9:23am
So I was afraid to re-read this one until this evening.
I never missed my biological father. Saw him 6 times by the age of 9. Then nothing 'til he contacted me at 26. One last shot. It was weird, looking into a possible future-me. Nothing after that night. He's dropped litters all over the globe. I've been in and out of the shitter, all over the country, all my life. So I never had time to miss him.
So for a lifetime I assumed if I became a father I'd be locked into his path. Not focused on the family, but locked onto conditioned behavior. Insecure confused bullshit, but that was me.
I have 3 non-bio kids today and I was afraid to re-read this until I knew I cleared my own head.
This poem made me not want to miss a session of reading to my daughters, listening to them sing, teaching them to fight, listening to what they become in their minds everyday.
I never held anger against my own father for disappearing. The world of humans is broken, I knew that as a child. But I held rage against every Christmas Daddy, every deadbeat I ever met, until re-reading your work. Now I wonder how many of them, like yours.... never knew how much they were missing not sharing in growing up.
Thank you for releasing this, mon cheri.
I never missed my biological father. Saw him 6 times by the age of 9. Then nothing 'til he contacted me at 26. One last shot. It was weird, looking into a possible future-me. Nothing after that night. He's dropped litters all over the globe. I've been in and out of the shitter, all over the country, all my life. So I never had time to miss him.
So for a lifetime I assumed if I became a father I'd be locked into his path. Not focused on the family, but locked onto conditioned behavior. Insecure confused bullshit, but that was me.
I have 3 non-bio kids today and I was afraid to re-read this until I knew I cleared my own head.
This poem made me not want to miss a session of reading to my daughters, listening to them sing, teaching them to fight, listening to what they become in their minds everyday.
I never held anger against my own father for disappearing. The world of humans is broken, I knew that as a child. But I held rage against every Christmas Daddy, every deadbeat I ever met, until re-reading your work. Now I wonder how many of them, like yours.... never knew how much they were missing not sharing in growing up.
Thank you for releasing this, mon cheri.
