i just destroyed a car... thats how angry you made me

I used to walk through the darkness through chapel steeple burning people away sin cleanse from day one then I met you and my craziness seamed to seep from my body draining away in mid day imaginary rain i've been fienin I've been fixin I need to be fixed I need to be fucked I need to get rid of these demons i'm more of a man but half of who I was I walk through the busy tree ways hearing i'm plastic i'm fake like geriatric mattress like where's my barbie but i'm not fucking ken I used to walk through the darkness until I found you then my path was illuminated by half melted candle broken and faded cracked and dulled like the edge of the blade I keep in my bed silent it lies I mean I lied but I didn't and who did? Or who didn't? Did you? Or me? Or the voices in my head? Or my heart or that little bit of blackness thats heavy like a ball of lead? I don't know! And I mean who could I be or where could I see behind blind eyes i've seen alot or heard or written or... I used to walk through the darkness between legs split clean I used to walk to far and I used to and I used to and i... And i. And I please don't know who could be or who can see or why did I fall so far? Like I jumped off a cliff but real slow slow fall slow falling in love I skipped like old cd's bell tolls for me stop... I digress I receive I lose and reject and i'm dying but for you its fine I wilt and fall because I do not need not but your ecstasy and much like myself I live off of happiness that is never mine and love I do not deserve slow falling... Remember when I told you about the slow fall beauty? Like cherry blossoms in the spring or like white snow? Do you remember when you showed it to your friend and thought I just had a boy crush? I remember but do you? Is it true or is it half truths which is still not reality but not quite a lie??? I mean I guess or how about those late night talks or when I called you after practice and said can I make your day and you had nothing to say? I took your beath away just once but my breath has never came back to me and I have trouble breathing I feel like a little when I hear your words and your voice dripping and dropping and drizzling like sweet honey but heroin to me because your fire burned brightly? Like wtf was I supposed to do? I walk away Dangerously, you said i'm sorry I didnt mean to hurt you this way or I didnt want you to find out this way how would I not have you came with clear and malicious intent no doubt about it I saw your eyes flicker when you saw me I saw you try to hide and turn off your consciousness because you were doing nothing wrong how could I know? Besides the fact you would never come for me and I got bad case of the mondays on a saturday and ain't nobody need that and i'm not blaming you i'm not saying your name because I kept saying it today waiting for that bitter taste at the tip of my tongue and it never came and I didnt know what to do so I did what I do and I wrote to attempt to not write a love poem I tried to right a rant I tried to write hate where it never was I tried to be morose and morbid and angry and I couldnt I tried to rip my own heart out I tried to rinse out my veins I felt like swallowing peroxide I wrote in vain and your face just kept popping up and it wasnt even my heart it was my brain you know the thing thats supposed to be logical? Puzzled it ran through and kicked the shit out of my newly formed thoughts and my hearts ached and pained and I swear it was screaming at me wtf are you doing boy? Wth is your fight? And every cell of my being seemed to hate me and my own soul felt like leaving my body because every little thing fucking can't do it can't get over you my skin yearns for your warmth and touch my eyes crave to see your absolute beauty my heart wants to reach out and feel yours my brain looks for scintillating conversation my hair wants to feel your hands my hands want to feel you my lips want to kiss you and wtf am I supposed to do how am I not supposed to not anymore your flawed and I loved you but but but but b-bbbb-bbb-uuu-t skipping again skipping past skipping through moving through going where? Back to the darkness? Maybe who knows I don't who will? Idk and I got to do is to walk and I wish it was together but it can't be because you don't want to! I'm alone i'm lone i'm lonely and if I die it'll be romeo without juliet because she just ran off with paris to paris or with harris to betford and I don't want to stop writing but all I do is walk and all I do is care and all i've done is be here and I walk through the darkness with thoughts Of you on my mind like time after time I just want to take a gallon of clorox and bleach my brain or a gallon of bleach or a match and set fire to the rain or a flamethrower and set fire to my pain or an atomic bomb to split every last atom that yearns to be attracted like protons to electrons and lazy neurons just floating around adding mass not yours those because all the way done past picoscoptic you are beautiful every little thing has use just tell me because idk what to do and I just want some clarity and I just want to stop and smell the roses your roses and swim in your water and walk to the sun together and get the fuck away from me I wanted to scream at myself because i'd be better off split in two traveling different paths or maybe not idk how to end this so i'll just stop