70% Chance to Heaven

**Perspective of a fallen angel**
 
 
Ughhhhh,  
I hate this world,  
its rotten to the core.
And such a bore.
No fun, everyone sinning.
Hell, the devil is winning,
I don't have a clue why I am here.
 
It's clear to me I could bust my ass
24/7 and still not make a dent
on the unrepentant bastards.
 
Plus my ass hurts, still haven't managed  
the fallen angel 'landing' all my friends have.
I am behind the eight ball once again.
 
Anyways here's the plan.
I've got what, a year?  
There is no way I'll ever turn around
enough souls to fit my quota to  
get the hell back up to heaven.  
And I am cravin' some unlimited spirits,
and those angel chicks aren't hard on the eyes either.
 
But I better get started….
 
 
There's a guy named Joe I need to hang with,
get my claws into,  
turn him into a somewhat decent dude,
then maybe he won't screw up when I split,
and maybe he'll be at the pearly gates at one point.
Problem is, he's a total fucking asshole.
Big time troll
who wants to spit nails and shit anger.
Or shit nails and spit anger, I don't remember.
I skimmed his file.  

He's got a wife and kid whom he abuses,
emotionally,  
makes me want to shove my fist  
up his nail shitting ass.
Maybe I'll do that in phase "enlightenment".
Don't know if the man upstairs would be cool though.
I don't think I should push him…not after my last guy.
 
So I've gotta pussy foot with Joe,
tell him gently what a douche he is….
 

 
MONDAY:
Summon doves,  
droves of them,
hoards of very constipated love birds.
Have them unload on Joe's car…
five minuets before his breakfast bar
is consumed and he heads out the door.
Good day ahead, I am sure.
 
TUESDAY:
Make wife file for a divorce,
the messiest kind of course,
the one that leaves him half broke,
without his kid,  
leave him to choke on his material goods,
the 50% that's left.
 
WEDNESDAY:
Have his boss fire his embezzling ass,
in the most embarrassing crass way,
in front of his peers,
so he can hear the jeers of disgust that they kept quiet
for far too long.  
 
THURSDAY:  
Tell him to go for a walk,
give him a chance to talk to God,
see if he is learning through losing.
Keep him away from boozing,
that always kills like a week of progress anyways,
and my time isn't unlimited.
 
FRIDAY:
Shove my fist up his ass…
just kidding.
I guess it's time to talk to him, in the dream of course.
Tell him why he lost it all, and how to get it back.
The redemption spiel.  
Have him keel over in realization at his past wrongs.
 
 
Now we are done.  I give this guy…..eh….70% chance to heaven.
Hey in most schools, that's considered passing...