Never Again

Heres what goes on inside my head when things get ugly and I cant get out of bed,
I have a friend that calls me and rears his nasty ugly head,
Tells me I need him and that we should go on and get wrecked,
I resist and I fight with him till I am completely hen pecked,
He tells me that I need him and that he is here to stay,
We fuss and we fight about how we shall end the day,
He accuses me of not doing enough to see him cause I think he's lame,
But he's like a whirlwind, a force of nature, that  has his own fame,
He tells me that he is my best buddy and that makes him feel proud,
When he comes to town doesnt matter how much money I spend cause at least he's around,
He tells me that I must at least try to make contact and score,
So I call and call round to anyone that will answer their door,
The whole time I am waiting I feel nervous and nausea,
Wrapped in a warped sense of excitement and a lot of euphoria,
Someone eventually answers the call and they say it wont be long,
Before me and my mate are back and having way too much fun,  

My friend arrives in a car with his mystery driver,
Like he was being driven around as a VIP passenger,
I hand over the fare to the man behind the wheel for transfering my friend,
Now I believe that this young night really now has no end,
We jump into my car once again happy to see each other,
Its like he never left it feels just like me and a brother,
We make the journey home laughing and joking about the time,
Knowing full well that right now it is our time to shine,
We get home and make sure that the coast is clear, Sshhushing each other to be quiet so no one can hear,
We make our way to the solitary confines of what is my room,
Egging each other on knowing that we will be one real soon,
I carefully pour over my friend with loving affection,
Knowing full well that this guy will never offer me rejection,
I lay him down and lovingly caress his beauty,
Safe in the knowledge that this guy is my homie,
I can smell his sweet smell of petrochemical vapour,
And in one fell breath my friend I did devour,  

Now this is where our fun times start to loose their relish,
Because as soon as we are one he starts to embellish,
He tries to strangle me with his aggresive vice like grip,
No more is this a fun time no more is this hip,
For now he tries with all his narcotic addicitive might,
To turn my soul blacker than the darkest of nights,
This is where the turmoil and fight for my own soul begins,
As his vice like monotone mocking grips a tight hold of my sins,
For now he is here his evil plan starts to become apparent,
This guy starts acting like that one caring missing parent,
Tries to tell me that he can make it all alright,
Tries to tell me that now I must surrender and give up the fight,
Demands that I rely soley on him for all of my needs,
For now I will never again need to drink nor need to feed,
For as long as I have him as my personal chaperone,
Ill never need someone else Ill never feel alone,
Tells me to ditch and leave everyone I have ever met,
This thought makes me nervous and leak a cold fearful sweat,
But somehow what he is saying to me seems so right,
Now that we are together alone in the black of tonight,  

The fun didnt end for us whilst we were the best of friends,
The fun only started to turn sour when the money came to an end,
My friend lost interest in me and became less and less available,
My friend had turned me from reliable to shiveringly unstable,
All I wanted was my friend to come rolling back into town,
All I wanted was my friend to come and lift my frown,
For without him my life had turned into an empty outcasted shell,
For without him my life went from living into personal hell,
I had no one to turn to as he made me burn all my friends,
No longer was I welcome in those usually familiar ends,
I had nothing left to give and nothing more to offer,
Left wondering why my friend left me all alone to suffer,
For now he is gone all I have left to remind me of him,
Is this wierd and crazy sensation all over my skin,
Feels like it burns and makes me want to scratch and itch,
Taking away the last bastion and smallest traces of him,  

As the days go on and the memories of him fade,  
The recollection of what he did to me starts to be replayed,
As the chronological order of the events start to unfold,
I feel that this part really has to be told,
For what he did to me was tantamount to theft,
Took away family and friends and emotion and left me bereft,
Devoid of feelings and the positive attitude you need to succeed,
Conned and fooled me in what truely was an hour of need,
Swaggered on in with his confident ill gotten manner,
Took a devilish hold on my life without even a stammer,
Stripped of everything and now had nothing left to give him,
The fucker moved on to someone else without even a whim,
He cast no shadows as the fucker strayed out of my sight,
Destroying my soul and leaving me without his strong might,    
But now he is gone and I am all alone thinking about things,
Now he is gone and my nightmares have turned to dreams,
I realise now that my life fell apart at the seems,
And now I realised that I missed all sorts of things,
I missed my children running around laughing and playing in the park,
I realise now that I crushed a woman and I tore apart her heart,
I now know that my friends were really truely my friends,
I understand now why they dont want me in their ends,
I realised this all now I feel its too late and have to re start,
I am going to do this by first starting with my own heart,
I need to take it back and rebuild my life from the core up,
Only now do I realise that that my old friend will never again say "whats up".