deepundergroundpoetry.com
Split second
I'm thinking
I'm blinking
Mind is blurring
Things are turning
I'm feeling strange
I'm feeling different
I feel so empty
I feel so drained
My mind is whirling
My heart is burning
My head is pounding
My blood is rushing
Today I hit you
Today you bled
My soul is fed
My vision is red
I'm blinking
Mind is blurring
Things are turning
I'm feeling strange
I'm feeling different
I feel so empty
I feel so drained
My mind is whirling
My heart is burning
My head is pounding
My blood is rushing
Today I hit you
Today you bled
My soul is fed
My vision is red
Published 23rd Jul 2013
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
23rd Jul 2013 8:58pm
Your poem shows much promise.
The poem is good but you seemed (like me) to
like things to rhyme. I do this and from my
experience I would advise you to try being looser as that is quite permissible and comes across less formal than possible over-rhyming.
That being said, you wrote a pleasant poem and I am eager to see what more you will write.
Welcome to DUP New Member!
Write on!
Kitty
The poem is good but you seemed (like me) to
like things to rhyme. I do this and from my
experience I would advise you to try being looser as that is quite permissible and comes across less formal than possible over-rhyming.
That being said, you wrote a pleasant poem and I am eager to see what more you will write.
Welcome to DUP New Member!
Write on!
Kitty
