my lovely weakened

this is something i wrote to my dad after he hurt me over a chair i figured its a good read in a messed up way
completely unedited
i put it in a letter with a hundred dollar bill and dad written on the front
had to be carful with my words


Dear dad,


I have been up many hours at night thinking. Of how something of the material world would cause such an uproar. I do apologize about the accident and, braking your chair I am heavier than I thought. As a maturing human being I have my own thoughts and feelings and, I have yet to see any reason to attack and hurt someone and, challenge a relationship of this importance over a chair. The idea that your first reaction was to end a relationship I find beyond troubling. I had no thought or care to brake something this weekend my only intentions and plans lay in seeing you. I have learned from Caroline when I am highly negatively emotional over something it is best I walk away to clam down, and when I am verbally assaulted yelled at and called dickhead repeatedly I emotional shut down as a means of automatic self preservation. I have been thinking that by your example verbal attacks and foul languish there is no positive to be found in the resolutions. I figure your going to make this letter into something larger than it is meant to be, this is only meant to express my feelings of pain and tears that came out of your actions words and the idea of disowning me over a chair showing that a chair means more to you than a son. This reminds me of the time when you lost control in the yard over things to be taken out of the camper unbagged where I bagged them. As a son I didn’t disown you when you found it appropriate to yell curse call me stupid and other things I’d rather not mention over bagging. To me an accident is something to walk away from and clam down than to attack and hurt someone over. That is all you have shown me in your example and I hope never to fallow them. This is how I see things and how I feel.




Jonathan

PS: If you need more I can provide as I receive. I do hope we can move forward into a healthy relationship.