A New Friend's Worth

Tall boy, brown hair, grey knitted, striped beanie, blue eyes, with a back pack slung over your shoulders. You asked my name for reasons I can't remember and we talked about warped tour.

Your name was one I'd never heard as a first name outside of my favorite book. A name that meant the world to me already. It hurt and felt good all at the same time.

We spoke again at some point because we are friends now, but I don't remember the second conversation or even the third or forth. I really wish that I did. I feel like I'm missing pieces.

I don't remember when it started but every time you would see me you would come up and hug me. Even if you never said anything to me you would make sure I always got my hug, and I never left without one.

On a way-too-warm day in January, you said to me "You know, you push your lips together when you're thinking." I thought about it for the rest of the day because no one had ever noticed such a small detail before.

We walked outside and sat together talking about scars and music and our poetry. I watched you run side by side with a girl, who's name is long forgotten, to the tree across the field.

I sat by our book bags, watched, and waited because I would never tell you that I wished you would run with me. We parted ways shortly thereafter because I'm sure you needed to go talk to other people.

Once you drew a dinosaur on my pants in black ink and I was upset that it wouldn't wash off. I wore those pants once since then and I wish that it hadn't faded as much as it had.

One day at school I was tired and I was dizzy because I hadn't eaten since dinner that night. You bought me chicken tenders and said that it was no problem. You smiled at me that day, big.

On the day of my biopsy I was standing and you were sitting. You pulled me closer with your arms around my waist. You said it would all be okay. You told me to call you when it was over. I never got the chance.

The same day I had watched you play volleyball shirtless with two boys and a girl. I watched the way you moved the whole time only looking away if someone noticed. I like everything about you.

You asked me to tag along to lunch with you one day but I had no money and had to be back here in an hour. I really wish I had gone with you. I fear we may never see each other outside of school.

Before the semester ended, I starting noticing the way your shoulders slouch when you're tired, the way you hug tighter when one of us is upset, and the way your eyes squint a little and light up when you smile.

I started trying to remember the smaller things or at least notice them.I wanted to remember all that you are just in case you were only around for a short time. I looked forward to seeing you.

Just seeing you brightened the worst of my days. You always knew when there was something wrong even when no one else did. I really wish you were around to help these days.

One day we were instant messaging and you said "idk I enjoy talking to you." Another you said you wanted to know about me and that you were here to stay. I can only hope you were telling the truth.

I was in a bad place and you pulled me out of it with just a few words. I am trying to stay away from the blade because of you. I wish that I could tell you what you mean to me.

You showed me Silverstein and I clung on to the band with all of my heart. They may mean a lot to me because I just really like them, but also that you showed them to me. Massachusetts makes me smile.

You noticed me when no one else had for a long time, including those close to me. You are so very important to me and I fear I may never mean a thing to you. Only time will tell.

I'd never tell you but I've been dreaming about you. It was comforting last time. You moved my leg so it was touching yours because you wanted to be close to me. I wish it could have been real.

You said you'd take the nightmares and give me the dreams. We talked about how much you would learn if you were to see my dreams and nightmares. I honestly wish it could work like that.

I could never explain the way you mean to me in a series of three-sentence paragraphs. I hope that these words may show something that thoughts just can't. Though You may never even know.


((Author's Note)This is something that was floating around in my thoughts. It is all true. I may delete this later depending on whether or not I change my mind...So Enjoy? Comments are welcome)