Two sides of a girl

Don't do it
Don't do it
Do it
It'll help
It'll make the pain go away

I don't know what to do
Up seems like down
And right feels like wrong
I need to shut my mouth
Everything I say angers someone
It's better to crawl into a dark hole
NO!
That's not who I am anymore
Fuck fuck fuck
I need to be strong
I can't let them know I'm cracking
It took so long to feel whole
Why'd she have to go? I loved my nana so much
I was her little Lex.
She was the sweetest person I had ever met
She never wanted to hurt anyone ever
Everything's wrong now
Goddamnit!
My insides are churning, screaming, rotting away.
My heads screaming at me to do the right things
*Be a supportive sweet daughter
*Put your needs aside for your aunt who needs help
*Don't mention the things you see away from the family
My heart just wants to stop burning. The ache hasn't gone away
Tears keep flowing like a torrential downpour
It's going to cause a mass flood and drown me eventually.
My legs and arms itch for the blade
Though I've been clean for over a year
They're aching to bleed and have rosy red streaks across my tan skin
My appetite is non existent anymore, but I keep eating
Though I want to starve until I can't feel anything anymore
Just like before
The bottle of liquor in the fridge looks so tempting
Maybe if I drink enough I'll get alcohol poisoning since people who don't eat meat become intoxicated much quicker.
Damn, I've really hit a wall. Face first. And the pain feels so good.
I need to get out of here
It hurts too much
No one's there to help
There's no one to try and save me
I can't rely on others to save me, I need to save myself
But how?