Why?

Original Poem
June 10, 2013

“Why?” By: Matic

Why?....Why?
Why must I keep committing sin
Knowing  the dangers once I walk in? I know I won’t win.
Why must I keep carrying my own weight of guilt and shame
It’s a constant drain of energy that I can’t afford to lose I pray
To maintain.
I’m just another young boy pushing to make ends meet
But once I over heat then I’ll get trapped in my own head of depression
And almost see defeat.

Why?....Why?
Why did I disrespect my own mother growing up knowing she loved me deeply her only son
But I was so stuck on my own ignorance of being adopted I felt odd pressure and started blowing up

Why?...Why?
Why did I have to pick up the drugs and the bottle?
It’s a squabble to put it down
What goes around comes around and all it does is hold me back
Gives me the lack of determination and motivation
Fighting to keep myself segregated against this cunning and baffling
Demon called “Vodka” That Devil in the bottle wants to see me drown.
Drown in my own sorrow and pain, Drown in my own thunder and rain,
Drown in my own blood and tears , Drown in my own heart in which I used to feel  hate.
I know I’m being watched of every move I make and ears are open for every word I speak
But I refuse to be weak and let my old self takeover
Because I used to think it felt so good to be lifted but not until
I figured out I was lifted by the neck and hung over a cliff of darkness and
Was dropped head first.

Why?....Why?
Why was I blessed with this talent
Pouring my heart and soul into these lyrics of emotion
 I wonder if this music is my only devotion
I can agree that silence is the key for me but at the same time
It can become my enemy to a certain degree
My worth is important
I know that life is not horrible but without that third eye open
It looks distorted but when you finally realize it’s much more to
It then the hell that we live in honestly it’s gorgeous

But Why?....Why?
Why must I hear people speak only when it’s a tragedy
We should have been come forth to defeat this agony
And you don’t have to make actions violently just make a
Strategy and move patiently

Why?....Why?
Why does it have to be this way
Why does it have to be to where my kids can’t see their father every day
I pray I pray I pray
This situation can drive me up the wall beneath my skin it crawls
Itching to rise to the top but before I get there I have to fall
Right?
But it’s alright….It’s allll right!
But, I still must fight the purpose of this is for me
To reach that light
But then again..I’m not as driven as I think I am.
Why?