Regression

Sometimes I just can't help but regress
Regress so far, that it feels real
It's happening all over again
I can feel the blade,
The cold steel
The hot breath
The unwanted touch
My heart beats so hard
So very hard
I can't deal
Flashes of memories long gone
Flick past like old film
From my mind
To my eyes
To my heart
To the dark pit of my stomach
Nowhere left to go
Until I open the gates
Let it escape
Flow free from me
It hurts to say the word
The word that's ok to say sometimes
Just not in my story
And so I bleed it out
Those four letters spilling out of me
R...........
     A...........
           P...........
                 E...........
That face still haunts me
That voice still shackles me
Sometimes I wonder if maybe
Just maybe
I should have said something
But I'm selfish
I couldn't
I held onto it
And now it's spilling onto my sheets...