pay to play

running tirelessly against the wind and rain
headlong i trek on determination in my stride
stealing for myself what is left of my pride
trying to outrun the years of tears and pain
emotional warfare a grenade of unforgiving
 sucking you dry zapping you of everything
the emotional vampires we claim as lovers and friends


this uncertain premeditated self sacrifice we hang our own ropes
we strangle on tiptoes crunching perfect egg shells
do not make a rumble in the belly of this million headed beast
i am disgusted with this form my emotions have taken
i am ready to explode spitting fire and acid to blind
your words that maim  swords of blistering cold fusing
wounds and scars young and old
knowing that the smiles you face me with
are the same
behind my back spiting vile threats

secrets spilled from the mouth of a friend so trusted
every thing that is mine they want for thier own
i cant help but sit in disbelief pondering all
im disgusted
broken by all i trust
my man my love my life abilities my blessings
no matter  what it is a smile they want to steal it for themselves they creep around and soak up every sound
i am uncovered revealing transparently
whats inside for all to see
take your thrill cheap shots all day
if i expire theyll all pay to play

life is a carnival two hits and a shot
russian roulette with words that leave silent
scars you cant forget memories that stain because they fee]
l more like regrets