deepundergroundpoetry.com
all of this
sick.
as if i downed a bottle of pills.
and they've been sitting for a while.
this is the feeling..
i know it all too well..
anticipating the end..
tears fall down my face.
i'm not ready for this.
but i've asked for it.
i wanted it.
every blossom crushed, every ray banished[font=Courier New]..
i did it to myself..
i'm afraid to look inside sometimes.
to see the hollowness in me.
to look and see,... see.. nothing,.. nothing looking back at me..
numb and aware,
too tired to care.
i lay on this bed i've made, and burrow underneath the dirty blankets, cold.
no one nothing to hold.
no comfort,
only darkness that enfolds.
[/font]
as if i downed a bottle of pills.
and they've been sitting for a while.
this is the feeling..
i know it all too well..
anticipating the end..
tears fall down my face.
i'm not ready for this.
but i've asked for it.
i wanted it.
every blossom crushed, every ray banished[font=Courier New]..
i did it to myself..
i'm afraid to look inside sometimes.
to see the hollowness in me.
to look and see,... see.. nothing,.. nothing looking back at me..
numb and aware,
too tired to care.
i lay on this bed i've made, and burrow underneath the dirty blankets, cold.
no one nothing to hold.
no comfort,
only darkness that enfolds.
[/font]
Published 17th May 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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reading list entries 0
comments 1
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
22nd May 2013 11:58pm
I love the content here but you need to work on your use of full stops as it's grammatically incorrect and detracts from your work. You could either take them all out and keep it a clean slate or do this:
'sick.
as if i downed a bottle of pills
and they've been sitting for a while.
this is the feeling
i know all too well.
i am anticipating the end.
wet falls on dry flesh.
i am not ready for this
but i have asked for it,
i wanted it.
every blossom is crushed. every ray banished.
i did it to myself.
i am afraid to look,
to see the hollowness in me,
to look and see...see nothing, nothing there, nothing of worth.
numb and aware,
too tired to care.
i lay on this bed i have made
and burrow underneath
dirty blankets, cold.
no one and nothing to hold.
no comfort,
only darkness that enfolds.'
Superb. I personally think it would work better without anything take all of the full stops and commas out and keep it bare and nothing-like. Really enjoyed it, it's real, open and passionate. Definite contrast to the other things I've seen today. Very like me when I first ended up here, at the end of my tether. Keep going. Writing helps.
'sick.
as if i downed a bottle of pills
and they've been sitting for a while.
this is the feeling
i know all too well.
i am anticipating the end.
wet falls on dry flesh.
i am not ready for this
but i have asked for it,
i wanted it.
every blossom is crushed. every ray banished.
i did it to myself.
i am afraid to look,
to see the hollowness in me,
to look and see...see nothing, nothing there, nothing of worth.
numb and aware,
too tired to care.
i lay on this bed i have made
and burrow underneath
dirty blankets, cold.
no one and nothing to hold.
no comfort,
only darkness that enfolds.'
Superb. I personally think it would work better without anything take all of the full stops and commas out and keep it bare and nothing-like. Really enjoyed it, it's real, open and passionate. Definite contrast to the other things I've seen today. Very like me when I first ended up here, at the end of my tether. Keep going. Writing helps.
