The One I Always Wanted

...and I seen him from afar

Life in slow motion.
My existence tortured by the reality I couldn't grasp
He whom I desired could never be mine
I was currently operative to the happenings of them,  
watching his smile form, his reaction to her touch,
his hands to her body.

I loved to watch, I hated to accept
Visualizing myself on his side, visions of our lives.
The visual as vivid as a bright color,
that I'd follow them to keep up with the fantasy.
She was me. Demanding he have her anywhere.
She was me. Catering to the needs of him,
pleasing his emotions.
She was me. Blissfully comforted by his love.
She was me.
I, involved with someone I happily indulged in sexual activities with
to assure myself in mind, he was you.
I would ride him passionately with my eyes shut envisioning you.
Kissing his neck, nibbling on his ears, reaching spots only I can find.

I was having an emotional affair with a man who I couldn't have,
who I'd never been with,
who somehow, I've been connected to for seven months.
I was close to calling his name several times, each time my pussy felt a tingle.
My grin attached to a moment.

The moment I bumped into him.
we stared into each other's eyes, & just like that, we connected.
He had access to apart of me that sprouted butterflies I felt as a teen.
My mind fast forwards. I smell him.
His scent inhaled, my moans exhaled, feeling him.
His touch. His smile. His warmth.

I loved to watch. I hated to accept.
The one I always wanted, could never be mine.
Instead he takes my route daily to work with his woman.
Rewind.

I watch them. Life in slow motion.
He turns around, his eyes hit mines.
Again, we connect. He smiles.
this time he stops. I read his lips accurately.
"You're beautiful"
I blushed as if I've heard those words for the first time.
I told him, boldly "I'm in love with you" He bowed his head down, & said
"Perfect woman, wrong time"
I understood that. I felt a release. He was freed.
That one line changed my thoughts, my desires, my attachment.
He gave me more than I needed in that one line.

My man came out of the store & I watched them.
Loved to watch. Had to accept that,
he could've, & he CAN be mine. Time.
The gift & curse of all things.

He smiled at me once more
as I got into the car
She wasn't me.
As I seen them from afar...