Nothing

 Nothing


What do you do when your truth becomes a sad joke?
When it seems like everything you do...
Or did,
Was all for nothing because it's over now 
When everything you thought since the birth of it all
Is now under a looking glass being dissected, torn apart... Left in pieces on a slide
Don't you ACT  like you don't know what I'm talkin about. 
Don't try to tell me you don't pick shit apart too 
As if by examining and re-examining just a little bit closer you might be able to finally make sense of something so senseless. 
I mean, how can you love and then suddenly not?
Or was it suddenly at all
And was it even love?
And exactly how many what ifs can you really imagine?
"what if I'd stayed longer, or moved slower?"
"What if I'd talked less and showed more?"
"What if I'd just been a better man?"
"What if I'd been asked before being judged?"
"What if I'd given a better, more honest answer to the question I was never asked?"
"What if... I'd just played the game like every other man in her life?"

How many things did I say 
That I shouldn't have?
How many things did I forget to say or simply didn't because I was too afraid?
And what about that time when I didn't mean to let her down? 
And the other time when it seemed like a good idea to skip something that mattered to her. 
It wasn't... A good idea 

When she says that she loved who she THOUGHT you were, what do you DO with that?
When she summed up ALL the good things she loved about you and said "you just did all that to make me love you...
Because when you wrote me those poems and stories you were just trying to impress me. 
When you loved my son you only did it to get ME...
       to love YOU
 And when you made love to me... it was just so I would be satisfied and wouldn't want to be with ANYONE else
Then you act like you wanted to drop everything to come be with me 
But...it really wasn't enough ya know. 
It could never be enough. 
YOU could never be quite-- enough. 
I mean, how could you say all those things?
You told me you love me all the way. 
You told me you saw forever in my eyes. 
You swore you'd always look after me. 
You told me of love without pause or reservation. 

Didn't you know I'd figure it out?
Ya musta known I'd never believe in THAT kind of love. 
No conditions. Really??

You can't tell me you loved me THAT much 
You expect me to believe you loved me enough to leave when I made you go?

It seems like everything you did was either you trying to be a part of my life or trying to make me..
A part of yours. "

Ahem. So I answer

Umm I didn't know it would hurt you
I really wanted to be all you needed
I gave every piece willingly because I loved you that much
I wish you'd believed it from the start, 
Or even after I proved it,
But it's painfully clear you couldn't. 
 I loved every part, which included your son
I made no conditions because that isn't love
It wasn't to make you love me, though
It was to show you that I loved you
I wanted to make this our world together, not just be a part of each others'


See I have a lot to learn about love. 
Because I thought that WAS love
It was for me anyway

Sometimes you ain't 'posed to give it all away all at once

So I learned an important life lesson here. 
Cuz now I know..

That when it all comes down to it, love happens on its own and 
no matter how bad you want it, 
no matter how much you need it, 
no matter what your heart tells you is true,
sometimes, well sometimes you simply can't make something...

from nothing