Dissecting Myself

all of this shit has spilled
out into my space
everything in chaos
and out of place
all I can do is
sit
and stare
overwhelmed
and ill prepared

the clutter
and mess that
has come to pass
all of the memories
from the past
lie in the way of my
chosen path
piled in front of me
a monumental task

sifting
and sorting
I try to make sense
of this pile of swill
growing quite dense
completely overwhelming
and deadly intense
causing my heart
and brain to whence

I have tried to kick it aside
and push ahead
trample it under my boots
and ignore it instead
but it always seems
to stick in the tread
and show back up
when I least expect

so as I walk
and try to leave it behind
somehow it stays
fresh in my mind
triggers of things
that always remind
seeming to find things
I don't want to find

no more ignoring
I must acknowledge it all
forcing myself to stumble
to fall
peeling back layers
and what they reveal
uncovering wounds
I'd rather not feel

as I pick through the things
invading my space
and all of the chaos that seems
out of place
slicing myself with razors concealed
sifting through dense piles of swill

endlessly sorting through
the clutter and mess
seemingly making little progress
trying to release
the shit I've suppressed
while stumbling through
this entire process

picking apart
the inner workings of me
dissecting myself
and all this debris
sifting
and sorting
and hoping to find
and ounce of myself
and a piece of my mind