when i lay with him

tonight
when I lay with him
I will not think of you

I will not close my eyes
the fear within I wont disguise

the hands that once bruised me
are now sent to use me

is this my duty?
is this what you wish for me?

tonight
when he reaches in and pulls me near
I will shudder with fright be filled with fear
bearing in mind loud and clear
you wished me here

the vows I spoke I do not recall
being kicked in the stomach if ever I fall

the words I repeated after a priest
was to honor and obey a man not beast

dragging me out of bed in my baby’s eyes
hitting me in my head for telling lies

tonight
when he wants my body near his own
I’ll try to remember this should be home.