A step towards the light

My head is full of confusion.
I can't think of anything that isn't going to hurt me.
The Absinthe bottle that sits on the counter,
The cigarettes that are in their pack,
The cigarette in my mouth, in my hand, in my mouth.
My pen won't write what I want it to,
It slows down at every new word.
Thoughts race through my minds and mean nothing,
Nothing but the endless thoughs that I can't get rid of.
Am I just feeling sorry for myself?
Why can I not move on?
I am stuck in a loop of hatred that I can't control.
I slam my fist to my forehead,
This does nothing to help and the voices continue.
Slow steps make progress,
My journey is a long one and only I can take it.
Hope is around the corner,
I am sure of that now.
The world may not understand my actions towards myself,
But I am beginning to appreciate them.
The answer is not a cure,
but awareness.