tears on a pillow

Who do you grieve for at night
when you're alone in your bed
the last girl you fucked
out on the frozen porch
lighting a cigarette
saddened that she can't spend the night
with you

Tonight I'll light a cigarette for you
like a candle
and blow smoke wishes to the stars
so that I may forget your name in my sleep
and wake up without the memory of your fingers
on my lips

I'm tired of dreaming, bleeding memories
onto my off-white sheets
to wake wondering where you are and what you're doing
and with who

I don't know how to be a friend
when I still want to wrap you in the warmth
of the summer sun and melt away your barely concealed misery
because I can still feel you there
even if you no longer feel me on your whiskey wet lips

And I know I'm not the right girl
and mine was always the wrong bed

And I wonder who you grieve for at night
when you're alone with your tears on the pillow
whispering someone else's name
wishing they'd come back to you
while the tally of girls lighting cigarettes
on the frozen front porch
gets longer
every night she stays away

© Indie Adams 2013