deepundergroundpoetry.com
With A Ghost
Silence perches on my shoulder,
while the cold rubs a curling finger
down my back.
©Shelley Marie
I went out on a limb for this one. Honest feedback is appreciated!
while the cold rubs a curling finger
down my back.
©Shelley Marie
I went out on a limb for this one. Honest feedback is appreciated!
Published 19th Apr 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 0
comments 6
reads 869
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
19th Apr 2013 10:04am
I like your haiku-like poem, Shelley. It has atmosphere & a hint of creepiness, about it. Very nice work. Enjoyed! :)
Carlene
Carlene
27th Apr 2013 8:06am
19th Apr 2013 7:18pm
Very effective, short and I was left
with a haunted feeling.
I enjoyed this!
with a haunted feeling.
I enjoyed this!
27th Apr 2013 8:07am
Anonymous
29th Apr 2013 4:13pm
I like it, I like the idea of it, but I don't like how short it is. You've opened something very interesting and then abruptly shut it down which upset me. But if it's continued ever for maybe just a few more lines I think it could be incredible.
29th Apr 2013 5:56pm
Thank you for your honesty :)
And I will take your suggestion into consideration.
I do actually have a longer version of this poem,
but I struggled with getting to the point in it.
There is a certain feeling of uncertainty that I want to create,
which is also why I experimented with the short form.
Again, thanks!
And I will take your suggestion into consideration.
I do actually have a longer version of this poem,
but I struggled with getting to the point in it.
There is a certain feeling of uncertainty that I want to create,
which is also why I experimented with the short form.
Again, thanks!
