Better Than Me

Day by day I'm killing my sun.
He tries to cast his light upon me but the dead don't feel.
His pain is mine as he wonders what happened to the girl inside.
The girl who used to smile.

I couldn't bear to tell him she died.
There is no me left in the body of a shell.
But I try to fake it for his sake. Lately it hardly works.
He can't understand the scars are soul deep.

I love him so much but I fear the unknown.
Half of me wants to let him go.
Find a girl with life in her veins and watch them grow.
But it's gonna kill me. Thankfully, there's not much left to kill.

But most of me can't. He's what keeping me alive for now.
For a split second, I feel a glimmer of the girl who used to be.
The girl he knew to love.
For a split second, it reminds me what it's like to feel.

When we collide, and I feel him inside of me, I feel flickers of life.
With each push, touch, moan, demand, shiver, it makes me want and love him more.
Sex isn't what all we are but it's worth some in the end.
But I can't hurt him anymore.

He can't save me, but I don't know if I have the power to save myself.
I want to remember what it's like to live. For me. For him.
But not sure if I remember how.