deepundergroundpoetry.com
Mrs Freeman
My history teacher, Mrs Freeman
leant against the staffroom wall
trying to smoke the irony out of her name..
..before she turned to occupy our classroom.
She placed pieces of paper on our desks
about forgotten cultures
forgot to mention the culture
so.. we soon forgot
we watched as a black marker marked our
black history on a white board.. bored
and reality only began for us
when a hand similiar to hers
one that highlighted only 8 lines of dark history
beat a friend senseless on the bus to the city...
Rote learning.
Thanks for watching, this piece to music lives here:
http://soundcloud.com/jackyt/mrs-freeman :) - Jacky T
leant against the staffroom wall
trying to smoke the irony out of her name..
..before she turned to occupy our classroom.
She placed pieces of paper on our desks
about forgotten cultures
forgot to mention the culture
so.. we soon forgot
we watched as a black marker marked our
black history on a white board.. bored
and reality only began for us
when a hand similiar to hers
one that highlighted only 8 lines of dark history
beat a friend senseless on the bus to the city...
Rote learning.
Thanks for watching, this piece to music lives here:
http://soundcloud.com/jackyt/mrs-freeman :) - Jacky T
Published 11th Apr 2013
| Edited 12th Apr 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 0
comments 11
reads 1261
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
11th Apr 2013 1:25pm
The first two stanzas are strong. I really liked "trying to smoke the irony out of her name"
I must admit I was lost on the third stanza, perhaps you could clarify if you are referring to specific historical events...
This line "beat a friend senseless on the bus to the city... " confused me. That is not necessarily a bad thing, and I like the incongruous placement.
Good work on the video. (I saw your first poem too, will you consider putting in the text too, some of us need to see the words...?)
Welcome to DU! :)
I must admit I was lost on the third stanza, perhaps you could clarify if you are referring to specific historical events...
This line "beat a friend senseless on the bus to the city... " confused me. That is not necessarily a bad thing, and I like the incongruous placement.
Good work on the video. (I saw your first poem too, will you consider putting in the text too, some of us need to see the words...?)
Welcome to DU! :)
12th Apr 2013 2:26am
Thanks Atakti for the feedback! It is brilliant, appreciate it!.. will chuck the words up for Brought up soon X
11th Apr 2013 3:01pm
Very nice, Jacky. Great job on the melody, delivery, video, and, of course, the words. Awesome!
12th Apr 2013 2:27am
Thanks Tony, its the first attempt ive had at putting a vid together from scratch. Glad you liked it!
12th Apr 2013 2:31am
12th Apr 2013 2:54am
12th Apr 2013 3:29am
Wow your good you should apply for http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/4883/
wethepeacemaker.com
wethepeacemaker.com
13th Apr 2013 1:14am
16th Sep 2013 2:38pm
don't need to understand every bit of it to know that it works. this one hides in a shadow. i dig it. another winner
25th Nov 2013 3:45am
Hello
I very rarely check out video poetry performances ( no idea why) maybe I just normally like the layout and to just hear in my head from my tongue the version. But found myself here and glad I did. It's tied together with such a quirkiness that I really enjoyed.
The music and visual composition helped beautifully giving a real sense of retrospect that was slightly haunting.
The words are of an unusual but warming subject My favourite line has already been mentioned (leant against the staffroom wall
trying to smoke the irony out of her name.. )
Brilliance. Loved the board bored moment too
Bravo on a fine piece .... Syn
I very rarely check out video poetry performances ( no idea why) maybe I just normally like the layout and to just hear in my head from my tongue the version. But found myself here and glad I did. It's tied together with such a quirkiness that I really enjoyed.
The music and visual composition helped beautifully giving a real sense of retrospect that was slightly haunting.
The words are of an unusual but warming subject My favourite line has already been mentioned (leant against the staffroom wall
trying to smoke the irony out of her name.. )
Brilliance. Loved the board bored moment too
Bravo on a fine piece .... Syn
26th Nov 2013 3:07am
