deepundergroundpoetry.com
Widow
You think you're clever
Wrapped me up in your web so tight.
You treat me like a fly.
All I could do was cry.
But it's over now.
You've lost control.
I burnt your web and flew free.
You will suffer,
I will make you pay
For all that you've done.
And make you eat
what you have spun.
Wrapped me up in your web so tight.
You treat me like a fly.
All I could do was cry.
But it's over now.
You've lost control.
I burnt your web and flew free.
You will suffer,
I will make you pay
For all that you've done.
And make you eat
what you have spun.
Published 4th Oct 2010
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The author encourages honest critique.
4th Oct 2010 2:48pm
How long have you been writing?
If you dont mind, I will give some feedback on this, hope you won't be upset in any way :)
I love the way you describe things, the images you use and the metaphores.
But still, I feel like the flow could be better... That something about your sentences should be changed? Its hard for me to put my finger on it, but I think you will figure it out more and more as you write :)
Anyway, very nice poem<3
If you dont mind, I will give some feedback on this, hope you won't be upset in any way :)
I love the way you describe things, the images you use and the metaphores.
But still, I feel like the flow could be better... That something about your sentences should be changed? Its hard for me to put my finger on it, but I think you will figure it out more and more as you write :)
Anyway, very nice poem<3
Yeah, I noticed while I was typing that there should have been more to it. Thank you for the advice and compliment. I have been writing poems for about a year or so, I just didn't know where to post it, then I found his place :)
29th Jan 2011 2:54am
Eeek, first of all the spider is very typical to the 'sad poetry' and so is the cry. The rhyming was a little on the obvious side but other than that your idea, your emotion was all there. Hopefully the intricacy of showing that will come through in time. :)
