Submissions by placebo

red has been stained on my lips since i was eleven
rummaging through the 25cent bin at dollar general
the plush cherry crayon covered my baby doll lips
i was the sex symbol of f.d. middle school        
       
"are you really fourteen" he asked        
and my fumbling at his belt buckle attested        
he was twenty just starting in the marines          
"you'll ruin my reputation" he breathed into my neck
as his excitement grew, destroying me        
       
what's a reputation to a fast girl        
who hasn't been...

my sadness runs deep
reaching and filling me like no other

it’s become a habit i can’t quit
like the Catholic church
that has screwed me
since i was a jelly smudged girl
racing between the pews
tripping and tumbling
an innocent bouncing on Jesus’ lap
knowing truths but comforted by lies

my sorrow keeps me warm
licking me through the blinds
hugging me in the shower
it’s even in my cup of tea
burning the roof of my mouth
making sure it’s the only taste
i’ll ever know