deepundergroundpoetry.com
sad16
my sadness runs deep
reaching and filling me like no other
it’s become a habit i can’t quit
like the Catholic church
that has screwed me
since i was a jelly smudged girl
racing between the pews
tripping and tumbling
an innocent bouncing on Jesus’ lap
knowing truths but comforted by lies
my sorrow keeps me warm
licking me through the blinds
hugging me in the shower
it’s even in my cup of tea
burning the roof of my mouth
making sure it’s the only taste
i’ll ever know
Published 6th Apr 2016
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likes 3
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comments 6
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The author encourages honest critique.
6th Apr 2016 5:20am
6th Apr 2016 3:20pm
7th Apr 2016 1:53am
your ink shows talent....& i hope that alone lessens your sadness...welcome to DU
9th Apr 2016 6:14am
enjoyed the portrait of a little girl on the lap of Jesus.
sorrow is an acquired sweetness...
sorrow is an acquired sweetness...
I found it was, as the chap said, deep. connected habit to the catloic church's women.
there are some good vivid images: racing between the pews. I liked you went down the more subtle road
technically, in terms of tense I think you may have gone a bit wayward in the first stanza, but it reads well so no harm done
the first couplet is kinda speculative emo-esque "like no other" .. you couldn't possibly know that. I think instead you could elaborate a little on how intense the sadness is. I thought "like no other" weekend the lines and so had a knock on effect to the body
second stanza reads wonderful, and the continuity of depth is intact
all in, I thought the poetry oozed talent. small nitty things notwithstanding, an excellent offering
fair play, shine on
[edit]
also hullo, and you're very welcome here
there are some good vivid images: racing between the pews. I liked you went down the more subtle road
technically, in terms of tense I think you may have gone a bit wayward in the first stanza, but it reads well so no harm done
the first couplet is kinda speculative emo-esque "like no other" .. you couldn't possibly know that. I think instead you could elaborate a little on how intense the sadness is. I thought "like no other" weekend the lines and so had a knock on effect to the body
second stanza reads wonderful, and the continuity of depth is intact
all in, I thought the poetry oozed talent. small nitty things notwithstanding, an excellent offering
fair play, shine on
[edit]
also hullo, and you're very welcome here
9th Apr 2016 8:39pm
Thank you! I'm going to work on that first bit. Please feel free to critique my other poems. I really appreciate it.
