Submissions by Nil
POEMS AND SHORT STORIES
SELF POEM
Published
Yesterday 10:59pm
Yesterday 10:59pm
Land of Living Sky
In these dying nights of summer.
Where the chill rises up on these kaleidoscope sunsets.
I can feel the sun bleeding into the horizon.
Tortured.
Haemorrhaging all over the sky.
I try to reflect on something.
Better than just being in the.
Moment.
But, alas.
I'm at a loss for words.
And,
I'm not very eloquent anymore.
Where the chill rises up on these kaleidoscope sunsets.
I can feel the sun bleeding into the horizon.
Tortured.
Haemorrhaging all over the sky.
I try to reflect on something.
Better than just being in the.
Moment.
But, alas.
I'm at a loss for words.
And,
I'm not very eloquent anymore.
#boredom
#disappointment
#emptiness
17 reads
0 Comments
SELF POEM
Published
Yesterday 10:53pm
Yesterday 10:53pm
Introject
Every day.
I feel like sleeping.
Rather.
Be unconscious than this.
Self conscious.
Subconsciously neurotic.
Paranoid ideation.
I live.
Not to mention.
The delusions.
Better to fantasize.
Than bother with the day.
To days.
Of getting up.
Getting high.
Lost in a radicalized.
Weaponized.
Grave yard of ideas.
Ranting to no one so
publicly.
It would be embarassing.
If I didn't know how to.
Disappear.
Some kinda.
Dismissive...
I feel like sleeping.
Rather.
Be unconscious than this.
Self conscious.
Subconsciously neurotic.
Paranoid ideation.
I live.
Not to mention.
The delusions.
Better to fantasize.
Than bother with the day.
To days.
Of getting up.
Getting high.
Lost in a radicalized.
Weaponized.
Grave yard of ideas.
Ranting to no one so
publicly.
It would be embarassing.
If I didn't know how to.
Disappear.
Some kinda.
Dismissive...
#boredom
#sadness
20 reads
0 Comments
SELF POEM
Published
14th Sep 2024 6:54pm
14th Sep 2024 6:54pm
Pleasureless
He said I was.
High tension.
It's not like he's wrong.
I do scream at cops.
And, find myself in institutions.
Involuntary circumstances.
Of a rotten mind left to gaze.
Into that dark nothingness.
That void of regret.
A black chasm.
I find myself falling into.
An infinite void.
Of negative emotions.
Anhedonia.
Got me down.
High tension.
It's not like he's wrong.
I do scream at cops.
And, find myself in institutions.
Involuntary circumstances.
Of a rotten mind left to gaze.
Into that dark nothingness.
That void of regret.
A black chasm.
I find myself falling into.
An infinite void.
Of negative emotions.
Anhedonia.
Got me down.
#disappointment
#emptiness
27 reads
0 Comments
SELF POEM
Published
14th Sep 2024 6:50pm
14th Sep 2024 6:50pm
Hungover or summat.
I awake to light.
Boring itself through my skull.
And,
Baby,
There ain't no us.
There's just me
With a headache.
Reevaluating my life.
Choices.
Boring itself through my skull.
And,
Baby,
There ain't no us.
There's just me
With a headache.
Reevaluating my life.
Choices.
#emptiness
#mirror
#MyInspiration
26 reads
0 Comments
SELF POEM
Published
9th Sep 2024 1:45am
9th Sep 2024 1:45am
Title 1
My life is up for interpretation.
Discussion, I never wanted it to be.
As though there was a right way.
To live.
Or be.
Living.
As though my lived experiences.
Were just mirages.
Mistakes and maladaptive memories.
Maybe.
It was all a bad.
Dream.
Even as moments reside deep in my subconscious.
And, how I felt.
Which isn't much. These days.
Cause why feel bad.
When you.
Can just.
Not feel at all.
Lost in that stoic impulse.
To endure. Every.
Loss. As a passing of leaves...
Discussion, I never wanted it to be.
As though there was a right way.
To live.
Or be.
Living.
As though my lived experiences.
Were just mirages.
Mistakes and maladaptive memories.
Maybe.
It was all a bad.
Dream.
Even as moments reside deep in my subconscious.
And, how I felt.
Which isn't much. These days.
Cause why feel bad.
When you.
Can just.
Not feel at all.
Lost in that stoic impulse.
To endure. Every.
Loss. As a passing of leaves...
#bittersweet
#boredom
#disappointment
66 reads
2 Comments
SELF POEM
Published
8th Sep 2024 2:42am
8th Sep 2024 2:42am
Something.
It always felt like something.
Inevitable.
That at some point in time.
I'd be.
Good.
At something and all the shit.
I went through.
Would
mean something.
And, it was for a lack of trying.
Cause I didn't bother.
Not that I regret these nights I spend.
In my mind imagining images of magnificent things.
Better than this.
Subliminal torture.
Waiting for the patterns to equal.
A some of its parts.
I just can't quit.
These confessions.
That I'm not here anymore. ...
Inevitable.
That at some point in time.
I'd be.
Good.
At something and all the shit.
I went through.
Would
mean something.
And, it was for a lack of trying.
Cause I didn't bother.
Not that I regret these nights I spend.
In my mind imagining images of magnificent things.
Better than this.
Subliminal torture.
Waiting for the patterns to equal.
A some of its parts.
I just can't quit.
These confessions.
That I'm not here anymore. ...
#anxiety
#apathy
#confusion #disappointment
#confusion #disappointment
61 reads
1 Comment
SELF POEM
Published
6th Sep 2024 8:43pm
6th Sep 2024 8:43pm
At any age.
I was never good.
At growing up.
I still.
Get high.
Sleep too late.
Hate myself.
With teenage angst.
Never once did.
I come around to these.
Inevitable life lessons.
I was supposed to find in the meandering.
Of life.
I still get arrested.
Still run from my problems.
Don't want no wife.
No long term friends.
Nothing to bind me to reality.
As though I'm playing the game of life.
Correctly.
I keep making temporary solutions.
Permanent.
Bad choices.
...
At growing up.
I still.
Get high.
Sleep too late.
Hate myself.
With teenage angst.
Never once did.
I come around to these.
Inevitable life lessons.
I was supposed to find in the meandering.
Of life.
I still get arrested.
Still run from my problems.
Don't want no wife.
No long term friends.
Nothing to bind me to reality.
As though I'm playing the game of life.
Correctly.
I keep making temporary solutions.
Permanent.
Bad choices.
...
#boredom
#confusion
#regret #sadness
#regret #sadness
72 reads
2 Comments
OBSERVATIONAL POEM
Published
6th Sep 2024 00:34am
6th Sep 2024 00:34am
Ed
I used to talk to him.
In the backyard.
Filled with
dog shit.
We never
cleaned.
But his old yarns.
Were as lively.
As the sky burning purple and orange.
In these
prairie sunsets.
I suppose he was dying.
Then.
But,
not dead enough.
To not be able to tell.
A tall tale.
Or two that.
Changed,
every time he told them
I got lost in his.
Used to bes.
And, people who
ain't no angels.
Setting each other on fire.
For five dollar debts.
...
In the backyard.
Filled with
dog shit.
We never
cleaned.
But his old yarns.
Were as lively.
As the sky burning purple and orange.
In these
prairie sunsets.
I suppose he was dying.
Then.
But,
not dead enough.
To not be able to tell.
A tall tale.
Or two that.
Changed,
every time he told them
I got lost in his.
Used to bes.
And, people who
ain't no angels.
Setting each other on fire.
For five dollar debts.
...
#friendship
#men
49 reads
1 Comment
SELF POEM
Published
5th Sep 2024 5:44am
5th Sep 2024 5:44am
Christmas.
We used to dance.
With each other.
When there was noone there.
Singing nothings to each other.
In whispered jokes.
And, know me nots.
You told me it.
Didnt matter.
How I looked.
Just had to.
Move to the beat.
Comes up sometimes when.
I'm lonely.
Mom.
Like some old Motown Song.
Dull hum on a record player.
The tube television.
Static and syndication
And I don't wanna know.
If it was a dream.
Or not.
Cause, I"m still there I hope.
Dancing til I'm...
With each other.
When there was noone there.
Singing nothings to each other.
In whispered jokes.
And, know me nots.
You told me it.
Didnt matter.
How I looked.
Just had to.
Move to the beat.
Comes up sometimes when.
I'm lonely.
Mom.
Like some old Motown Song.
Dull hum on a record player.
The tube television.
Static and syndication
And I don't wanna know.
If it was a dream.
Or not.
Cause, I"m still there I hope.
Dancing til I'm...
#BestFriend
#children
#heroic
38 reads
0 Comments
MISCELLANEOUS POEM
Published
5th Sep 2024 5:35am
5th Sep 2024 5:35am
Fatalism
Tomorrow.
Coulda been something.
If I wanted to be
there.
Seems like I'm.
Just waiting
for the
world to end.
The horizons are
on fire.
Death coming from
above.
On wings of whispered.
Annihilation.
I'd rather be travelling.
But.
Thinkin of running away somewhere.
Else.
Somwehere safe.
Though,
I never do.
And, I can't escape the.
Shock.
Wave.
I'm just running on empty.
Hopped up on adrenaline.
Avoiding flashes in the...
Coulda been something.
If I wanted to be
there.
Seems like I'm.
Just waiting
for the
world to end.
The horizons are
on fire.
Death coming from
above.
On wings of whispered.
Annihilation.
I'd rather be travelling.
But.
Thinkin of running away somewhere.
Else.
Somwehere safe.
Though,
I never do.
And, I can't escape the.
Shock.
Wave.
I'm just running on empty.
Hopped up on adrenaline.
Avoiding flashes in the...
#anxiety
#confusion
#regret #sadness
#regret #sadness
55 reads
1 Comment
SELF POEM
Published
1st Sep 2024 6:30pm
1st Sep 2024 6:30pm
Hitching out of my bad Memories
I wrote you so many poems.
I forgot which ones they were or their name.
Just a bleeding into itself of yesterdays and regrets.
Who knew you'd tell me once not to tell you what to think.
And, I wouldn't.
And, I didn't.
But, me, on myself, on how I behave.
I just fade away faster than usual these days.
When someone abandons me.
Once again I must subvert my own interests.
For the fantasies about myself.
In other people's mind.
So, blame me for my response I guess.
I wouldn't know.
You left without a...
I forgot which ones they were or their name.
Just a bleeding into itself of yesterdays and regrets.
Who knew you'd tell me once not to tell you what to think.
And, I wouldn't.
And, I didn't.
But, me, on myself, on how I behave.
I just fade away faster than usual these days.
When someone abandons me.
Once again I must subvert my own interests.
For the fantasies about myself.
In other people's mind.
So, blame me for my response I guess.
I wouldn't know.
You left without a...
#confusion
#emptiness
#heartbroken
61 reads
0 Comments
DRUGS POEM
Published
1st Sep 2024 6:19pm
1st Sep 2024 6:19pm
Being Comatose
#apathy
#boredom
#frustration
42 reads
1 Comment
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