Submissions by Ashfrodisiac

On bent knees I plead
say something... I'm giving up on you
Eyes closed...the feel of your fingertips
still resonating in every pore
tears streaming down my face
I can still feel the "I Love You"
you so fearfully withhold
and I stand in limbo
in a perpetual state of unknown
Hands shaking
Heart pounding...it seems time has slowed
Pulse racing
Mind going miles a millisecond
Futures passing as I kneel
Hanging onto the hems of your silence
Clutching to the whisper of possibilities with you
This quiet scares me ...

*Inspired By The Movie: The Edge Of Seventeen**

We don't know who we destroy
While we destroy ourselves
While we're busy self- loathing
And tip-toeing on ledges
There is someone who loves us
Desperately clinging to tiny bits of fabric
Frantic fingers grasping clammy hands
Trying to pull us back
Into welcoming, comforting,  forgiving arms
We can't see through our own tears
to see the balled up fists of frustration
At our lack of love for ourselves
We don't know who gets torn apart
watching us tear ourselves to shreds ...

I might feel better if I just cried
And not a dainty---tissues catching neat little tears---that doesn't smear your eyeliner that you worked so hard to perfect--- like the smile you plastered on
No, I need to sob
Let my body quiver and shake
Lose my breath until I am gasping out my frustrations
I need to cry until words fail me
Until there is only Me and My Pride
Starting at each other
Until I can truly ask myself Are You Done
And I need to cry until the answer is yes
Until I can crawl out
of this dark dismal hole I've fallen into ...

That awkward moment when
You realize maybe you'd rather die alone
Than to fall head over heels
Give yourself completely
Spend more time as an "Us" or a "We"
So much that life without your counterpart
Would require an immense amount of readjustment
Of your whole life
Because falling in love like that
Is dangerous
Eventually,  you don't even know
What you are without your other half
You realize this whole time
You've been walking around---partial
Completed only by the tingles of fingertips
Trailing your skin
And...

I am one more shitty check---
No matter how hard I bust my ass
Away from imploding
Succumbing to the feeling of
Becoming a hydrogen bomb
Of choked down emotions
And silent, shackled thoughts
Of I Need More
I swear, if something doesn't change
And soon
The fatigue of my inadequecies
Might actually start seeping
Out of my pores
If you can't smell my unhappiness
Coming before you see me
Everyday it becomes more palpable
More tangible
Like an ever tightening fist
Closing around my soul
I am one more ...