Submissions by 3ampoems (Celine Belli)

when I don't pick up the phone,
It's not because I don't want to talk,
I'm only afraid to run out of things to talk about.

When I don't hug you when you apologize,
It's not because I can't forgive you,
I'm only afraid it will lead to another apology.

When I don't kiss you when you say goodbye,
It's not because I don't want to show affection,
I'm only afraid affection will soon run dry.

When I don't want to meet you,
It's not because I don't want to see you,
I'm only afraid of seeing you differently.

When I don't think we...

I felt that same old,
same old feeling, emotion,
cursing my senses,
As I watched her struggle to sleep,
Once again, I watched her roll around in vain,
Listened to her weary breathing,
Complaining about her aching legs,
So thin, so fragile,
Could they break?

I could only hear myself,
Whispering, praying,
over and over,
"She's not dying"
"She's not dying"
"She's not dying"
With that desperate,
desperate reassurance,
I couldn't quite find.

I realize I was hoping.

It's not just...

if there was such a thing as a fucking last chance
to take it all back, like hell i would,
i'll fight the raging sins,
the scars,
that's etched on me like fucking payback.

there is no fucking garden of eden,
where the fuck is the poisonous snake,
it's me,
where the hell is heaven?
heaven. hell?
ha.ha. what's the fucking difference?
there is no fucking point to prove,
where's the rest i've chosen to lose?
there is no happy ending,
there is no sad ending,
there is no fucking ending at all,
there is no fucking way out.
...