"At present time there is no cure, nor fix, for our condition. An independent ailing mind invoking frightening vision. Robbing us of needed sleep, effecting hearts attrition. While avalanche of mix-matched thoughts bury intuition.
  
In a struggle to hang on, while readying to die. within each breath we grow weak, become as fragile child. We hurt, we cry, stomp our feet, then snort into a high. and for a few surreal secs, we don't have to try.  
   
Yet all it takes is one small glimpse into a broken mirror. To see the lost soul trapped within and shed a grieving tear. For we will never see your eyes not filled with fear. and our ill brain is all we have, and all we ever hear."  
   
Imagine there is power,  
in love we can’t deny.  
To help us motivate us,  
Bring strength into your life.  
   
Emotionally committed,  
Is really all they need.  
Be patient and support them,  
Most important, never leave.  
   
It's not so simple,  
Emotions never are.  
Some days will be tough,  
But love it conquers all  
   
It's the illness, not her,  
So take it day by day.  
Let her know that she has you,  
Don't let her get away.  
   
Love and support her,  
Tell her you care.  
Your here till the end,  
You’re not going anywhere.    
   
Then sail away with me  
inside my complex mind.  
By the end, I hope you see,  
you can’t change me if you tried.  
   
All I ask is stated clear,  
try and understand.  
Stay when it gets rough,  
never letting go of my hand.  
   
Don’t yell or cuss me out,  
or say those words you will regret.  
Just love me everyday,  
like the days when we first met.  
   
Remember all the good days,  
don’t focus on the bad.  
Think of the good times we shared,  
on the days that made you sad.  
   
I know I do things different,  
but my mind is not my own.  
Have you ever talked to yourself,  
When you are all alone?  
 
painful memories  
many battles she will fight  
withdrawn, ghost to everyone  
bring her that peace in her life  
   
She’s searching,  
for all the pieces.  
yet she always feels alone  
she is full of scars and flaws  
with a heart and soul of gold  
 
She searches and searches,  
In all the wrong places.  
As her life becomes darker,  
she fades, nothing changes.  
 
Mental illness can take out beauty,  
And only show your view in darkness.  
   
You're the final puzzle piece,  
That helps her become whole.  
Or just another heartbreak,  
That gateway to her soul.  
   
Here’s the thing, we're not so different,  
the likes of you and me.  
We all have fears that haunt us,  
We all live with struggles and anxiety.  
 
Joanna Ryan-McDonald

"I am the perfect idea of what you desire, I am closer then you'll ever know, I come disguised as everything you've wanted. Months turned years of confused enjoyment, your fears have come to life and when my work here is done you won't ever be the same."

This is ME
MY journey
MY time in the womb
Me plotting your doom

The end, your finale
This will not be easy
Proving I'm first
I'll bring you a curse

I'll prowl the streets in darkness
As a person of many faces
But the part and the lie
Must come out exact same time

To achieve you must win
Through patience , discipline
I'll fill you with doubts
Bring on poison toxic thoughts
And your seeds to follow
Will be life - like yet hollow

I'm not one to reflect long
My success WILL destroy someone
I am hard and empty
Cold... I have no sympathy

Mind's a puzzle missing pieces
I prey on weak and helpless
I am the best you ever had
Get any closer and wish you never did
This life has worked for me
I lust and crave power,control, greed

When we meet do understand
Your life will not be the same again

Joanna Ryan-McDonald

“A mastermind in disguised by the sins of shattered glass, luring you in by its reflections, leaving you with painful thoughts, false confidence and shame. Your wasting away as time is coming short, pretty soon all that will be left of you is the remains of your bones.”

she once lit up
like fearless skies,
then she grew up
to her own demise.
Carried burdens
of many storms,
flooded fears
that noone knows.
Ran countless times
but all she found,
Is nowhere to hide
Only one way out
Despite her screams for help
She wastes away, never good enough.
The mirror is all she has,
With tainted words and toxic love,
her voice comes forth
"say what you mean,
I will not hurt,
I’m a human being,
the mirror before you,
covers thee.
As I show myself through this mirror,
you'll never see...see the real me"
Look at her,
But a scarred reflection
and all you'll ever see.
Stale image, mixed emotion,
reminded by failures
day after day.
Satisfied, in control,
her body wastes away.
Hiding behind isolation
eyes hollow, lifeless,
Slowly headed six feet under.
It’s for the best,
lost, confused, mad.
If you never cared, why do you now?
The pain is real, she's nearly dead...
Afraid of her own skin,
her voice is but a whisper.
As her body's slowly weaken,
Her suicide?...her murder?
such obsession becomes her poison?
“But I’m the perfect version,
Of what’s on your television”
her reflection, her mask, her disguise,
Desperate for perfection.
You can’t see behind her eyes,
lost herself in flawed attraction.
So she cuts the fat away,
continued cycled of only guilt.
Releasing tears of shame,
and always misunderstood.
Will she ever get to 80 pounds?
This her blessing in disguise.
“Question is will I stop if at that point,
it’s time to try.”
Trauma, abuse, neglect, anxiety.
The times she asked for help, no one listens,
secrets hidden from her family.
The mirror is all that understands,
she promises to get better.
Doing the best she can,
her soul shines true of her nature.
Despite she can barely stand.
A journey heads to broken bones
unless she finds help and love.
One by one, everyone knows it's
too late now, it’s not enough.
Her reflection has come off distorted,
as her mind is infected, sickened.
She’s just a broken girl
living in a heartless world.
TV, news, society,
everywhere around you and me,
bullying is the sin we live in
is there any way to win?
Ashamed of her body,
everyone can see,
the people that loved her
aren’t there anymore.
It’s her ultimatum,
they don’t realize it’s not even her fault,
you don’t even know the scars on the inside.
She wants the help, she can’t stop if she tried,
her diets counting calories in weight.
She knows it’s not normal, she feels only of hate.
It's the silent of killers.
Strips you of your confidence,
preys on the helpless and weak.
Bringing doubt, shame, and fear.
Don't be fooled by its reflection,
Its a distraction of the truth.
Her silenced reflection
Now hidden with pain.
Prisoner behind this glass,
Bones buried in a grave
Will you come to the service,
Or ask of her name,
Or will you say?
“It’s that girl in skeleton bones”
Or maybe she’ll be remembered again.
Nobody knows what a person has gone through.
So, stop the judgements!  It’s wrong and you don’t have to
love her unconditional.
Bring warmth to her cold,
then tell her she's beautiful.
That use of words, what seems so little,
to a sickness can mean the absolute world.

Joanna Ryan-McDonald