Micro Poetry

I loved you

before I go
and allow me please
to shove those words
down your
fucking throat
that way you can gloat
to the next joke
on how you were once
loved

devour

my eyes devour your written words
their taste never forgotten
impregnated, heartfelt, embedded
remember you, remember me
each other will not be forgotten

Deathnote, Jonny, Dejure, Devlin and Kate, thank you very much for your poems.


24hrs to close....more or less :)

Smile has faded on my face
Now I don’t even remember how it feels
The Strange voice inside my head
Is screaming for the sake of being free

Don't wait till I'm gone
to bring out the best of me
or act surprised when you open the closet
place your order now to reserve your written deposit

The comp is officially closed!!

Thank you all for your wonderful wisdoms and sharing with the great spirit of penmanship in your own unique voice.

I will return with the announcements as soon as the reviews are complete.

29 poets!!  41 entries!!!

Naturally FOUR prominent members of Du community were invited to judge this comp which you made it happen with such great spirit and penmanship.

But, before I announce the winners and judges panel…

Here are the semi-finalists in no particular order:

Seekingkate…devour
Xmar ….Muse
Soleil_89…Let my lyrics be
LunaObscura…..Wet Willie or Your Grandpa's Blotter
Lobodesanpedro…Dew/rugiada
Mikimoondancer…I've endured the sight
DevlinDLC….I loved you  
IronFears….No ink, no paper
Allistar…..This could've been a good time
Minerva…the promise

My sincerest appreciation to the judges for accepting the invitation and for their time, input and critique.

Mr. Kexby     Ms. Chiyo ( Miss Chi)   Mr. Braggman (Steve Bragg)   Mr. EngrVV (D_Poetic Engineer)

Congratulations:

1 - Lobodesanpedro
2 - LunaObscura
3 - Mikimoondancer

Honorable mention:

1. Calamitygin
2. Dartford


1 vote 2 points… Seekingkate…devour
1  votes, 2 points Xmar ….Muse
1  vote, 1 point Soleil_89…Let my lyrics be  
1  vote, 3 points LunaObscura…..Wet Willie or Your Grandpa's Blotter
3 votes, 5 points Lobodesanpedro…Dew/rugiada
1 vote, 3 points Mikimoondancer…I've endured the sight  
1 vote, 2 points DevlinDLC….I loved you    
1 vote, 1 point IronFears….No ink, no paper
1 vote, 1 point Allistar…..This could've been a good time
1 vote, 2 points Minerva…the promise

The Critiques:

Lobode SanPedro:
~~hummingbird poem really maximizes the words, tries to produce something new and beautiful at the same time. It has economy while it is suggestive of a more imaginative reading of something that is familiar to us all. For that reason I'm able to overlook the main issue I have with it... that I can't figure out what it has to do with your eat-drink-remember theme. That is why it is only second despite being what I felt was the best written.

~~I ‘m attracted to the mere idea of a humming bird’s tears feeding the meadows although it’s a sad (but beautiful) image.
I like the wording, expressions like “culled” which means to hunt as well as to select, both possibilities making perfect sense (well, at least to me which is an unsure thing).
He has a way of delivering horrible messages with lulling words.

~~The final line of original Italian most beautiful. which I prefer to the English translation

Allistar
~~The keynote  of hope and freedom is so alleviating. Leaving behind possibilities turned stale, escaping a “cell” to rise as the phoenix from the ashes. It is an upbeat poem though grave in sketching a sad past, a broken person, the recovery (love the casted wings) and what could have been if ... A life in subjunctive mood

Xmar
~~ Nice flow and good structure
~~Well thought through

Minerva
~~a well written poem

IronFears
~~That’s a passionate way of showing how much poetry means to him. I don’t know if he should have said “as long AS I have some blood and a wall”. This poem is concise and meaningful in its shortness. The half-sentences underline the urgency to write.

DevlinDLC
~~I was drawn to this poem from the very first time I read it. It impressed me with its rawness and intensity. It’s the violent wording which gives this poem a special note of hurt and pain AND strength. A powerful poem, providing a positive angle too.

Mikimoondancer
~~ her second one about the brewed rage would be my third choice, despite the feeling that the word "of" should be moved down one to start the second line instead of ending the first. It is solid and avoids most of the cliches.

LunaObscura
~~This is imaginative. It has a bit of depth but doesn't really hide in obscurity. It is hard-hitting a bit tongue in cheek and avoids cliches. I really like the final line. I'm a sucker for a good closing.

Calamitygin
~~had she added a couple images she would have had my vote as I think she was going in the right direction... but in the end wrote an idea for a poem instead of the actual poem.

Dartford
~~was clever too as usual, but this was just not one of his strongest ones.

Thank you very much for all your contributions and for the spirit of sharing; the joy of writing.

Awesome job everyone!!

Miss Vee. . .THANK YOU so much for the acknowledgement as well as the critique!. . .I'm humbly grateful.


Sir Lobo, you are on a Trophy roll. . .Congrats!

Luna & Miki. . .awesome pieces!

Muchas Gracias, Vee
y congrats a LunaObscura y Lobo

Good show. Congrats, wolfkin. I should've known you'd find your way here.

And thank you to whoever that feedback is from.

Lobode SanPedro:
~~hummingbird poem really maximizes the words, tries to produce something new and beautiful at the same time. It has economy while it is suggestive of a more imaginative reading of something that is familiar to us all. For that reason I'm able to overlook the main issue I have with it... that I can't figure out what it has to do with your eat-drink-remember theme. That is why it is only second despite being what I felt was the best written.

~~I ‘m attracted to the mere idea of a humming bird’s tears feeding the meadows although it’s a sad (but beautiful) image.
I like the wording, expressions like “culled” which means to hunt as well as to select, both possibilities making perfect sense (well, at least to me which is an unsure thing).
He has a way of delivering horrible messages with lulling words.

~~The final line of original Italian most beautiful. which I prefer to the English trans

Firstly, I'll say thank you Vee for proving time and time again your a wonderful competition host, and powerful poet.

Thank you to the judges and their valuable feedback ...

To that end, to answer the question in the first comment, for me the piece was about how we as poets at times draw on the beauty and heartache of those we cherish and need most, taking their very blood and flight to provide ink for one's parchment and their plucked wings our quill(s).

Yet somehow in their despair, life is reborn. Another chapter written.

I owe my translation help to IronFears; and I must say getting this acknowledgement under such scrutiny added a nice dose of confidence as I've just submitted this piece to a publisher.

DEVLINDLC ... lol  - Roll? between the way you and Miss Sub have been lighting it up, I'm almost afraid to enter any comps.

Cheers to all who wrote for this, you're all true artists!

Congrats to you, Lobo and to all the poets who contributed to this comp. And thanks, Vee, for the idea!