Poetry competition CLOSED 5th April 2015 3:45pm
WINNER
hemihead (hemi)
hemihead (hemi)
RUNNER-UP:
Atakti
EASTER IS CANCELLED, THEY FOUND THE BODY
Poetry Contest Description
on what day does Jesus rise and shit chocolate eggs?
Well, Easter is cancelled so what to do? Give me a short, funny poem in theme with this. Enter as many times as you want but indulge my heathen side.
One week
One week
No way Hades, I've got to sit this one out, as I'm a repentant sinner who is in all probability going to burn in Hell. Of course that is if there is such a thing. Bad enough I great everyone with a "bah-hum-fuck" during the Christmas season, but if I jump on this Easter egg, any remote chance of being saved from the fire below will surely disappear.
But I do encourage all the Saints of DU, who can afford to be naughty, to enter this competition. As I'm so looking forward to reading their entries.
"Good Luck Bud!"
But I do encourage all the Saints of DU, who can afford to be naughty, to enter this competition. As I'm so looking forward to reading their entries.
"Good Luck Bud!"
Holy Crap
Well, not many know this,
but on the first Easter morn
the story is nothin' like that one
when Jesus Christ was born.
There was a bunny diggin'
cuz that's what bunnies do
when they're not busy nibblin' or
havin' threeway hoppity screws.
Poor bunny dug up Jesus
from his resurrection nap.
His poor heart nearly stopped
and he pooped a few bunny craps.
Well, Jesus brushed the dirt off,
saw fur tremblin' at his feet.
"Aww bunny, those smell real bad,
lemme work them up a treat."
He passed his hand once over
the green grass with morning dew
where the bunny poops lay stinkin'
and what happened next is true.
Bunny turned and saw an egg,
it left him quite dumbfounded.
It was made of chocolate
with a lovely ribbon round it.
"There," said Jesus, "all sorted.
Happy Easter, go light a candle.
I'll see ya here next year,
same holy time, same channel."
Hope it's worth the lightening bolt up the ass.
Well, not many know this,
but on the first Easter morn
the story is nothin' like that one
when Jesus Christ was born.
There was a bunny diggin'
cuz that's what bunnies do
when they're not busy nibblin' or
havin' threeway hoppity screws.
Poor bunny dug up Jesus
from his resurrection nap.
His poor heart nearly stopped
and he pooped a few bunny craps.
Well, Jesus brushed the dirt off,
saw fur tremblin' at his feet.
"Aww bunny, those smell real bad,
lemme work them up a treat."
He passed his hand once over
the green grass with morning dew
where the bunny poops lay stinkin'
and what happened next is true.
Bunny turned and saw an egg,
it left him quite dumbfounded.
It was made of chocolate
with a lovely ribbon round it.
"There," said Jesus, "all sorted.
Happy Easter, go light a candle.
I'll see ya here next year,
same holy time, same channel."
Hope it's worth the lightening bolt up the ass.
Easter is canceled, do you know why?
It's because the Easter bunny has died,
Santa wanted to make sure he was the best,
What did he do next? Can't you guess?
Santa found his gun and his knife,
And he set out to take the Easter Bunny's life,
Santa rode Rudolph to Eastervile,
He ready to make the kill,
Santa snuck into the bunny's burrow at night,
He shoot the gun and stole the Easter Bunny's light,
The bunny cried but Santa showed no mercy,
He murdered Easter in a hurry,
The police however, caught him,
Now Santa is being convicted for his sin,
So Santa did get Easter canceled as you already knew,
Although Santa's in jail so Christmas is canceled too,
It's because the Easter bunny has died,
Santa wanted to make sure he was the best,
What did he do next? Can't you guess?
Santa found his gun and his knife,
And he set out to take the Easter Bunny's life,
Santa rode Rudolph to Eastervile,
He ready to make the kill,
Santa snuck into the bunny's burrow at night,
He shoot the gun and stole the Easter Bunny's light,
The bunny cried but Santa showed no mercy,
He murdered Easter in a hurry,
The police however, caught him,
Now Santa is being convicted for his sin,
So Santa did get Easter canceled as you already knew,
Although Santa's in jail so Christmas is canceled too,
Anonymous
<< post removed >>
Anonymous
<< post removed >>
Actualy i read it it only stated thete was a natural body and a spiritual body.. it ddnt say he turned the physical body into a spiritual body.. this view ib believe contradicts jesuses own teachings... people put too much emphasis on phisical bodies.. but i understand.. but i wan to challenge you to read th at book. You cant make judgments on a book you havnt read yet.
If Jesus was the Easter bunny walking through my house
I'd grab my gun tell him get the fuck out
He ain't got a right to be tresspassing
Leave the candy for the kids
And your creepy for when they're napping
Don't care if it's stupid don't care at all
I don't like a bunny that's fucking 6feet tall
So shove your candy crap right back up your ass
Cause if you come back to my house
Trust me you'll be a dead bunny laying in the grass
I'd grab my gun tell him get the fuck out
He ain't got a right to be tresspassing
Leave the candy for the kids
And your creepy for when they're napping
Don't care if it's stupid don't care at all
I don't like a bunny that's fucking 6feet tall
So shove your candy crap right back up your ass
Cause if you come back to my house
Trust me you'll be a dead bunny laying in the grass
I used to drink with the guy whose job it was to push rocks
across cave entrances
back in the day
he told me a story about some jew-dude
who slipped him a few sheckles
to grease one particular rock right up
afore he pushed it home
he reckoned rocks push real easy
when ya grease 'em
'nother time he told me about a magic trick he seen
where this same jew-dude would hide bread in his clothes
and give it out like it was coming from nothin'
my guy reckoned jew-dude never paid for a room his whole life
with all his cripple-curing and such...
but then jew-dude, he hit the big time
made his big hangin'-by-his-hands play
and ran for India with all the cash
that his whore collected for him...
man, I never heard such a good tale
sure sounds like that jew-dude was a handful...
'round here best we got is my old preacher
when I was a kid he used to have us sit beside him
and reach into his hat he sat on his lap
and we'd stroke the bald rabbit he had in there...
poor little thing used to throw up if you really got going on the stroking
and then the preacher would reach behind our ear
and find a lolly for us
....any fucker in robes, gotta watch 'em...
and if you kill one
to be real sure
go right ahead
and kill 'em again
across cave entrances
back in the day
he told me a story about some jew-dude
who slipped him a few sheckles
to grease one particular rock right up
afore he pushed it home
he reckoned rocks push real easy
when ya grease 'em
'nother time he told me about a magic trick he seen
where this same jew-dude would hide bread in his clothes
and give it out like it was coming from nothin'
my guy reckoned jew-dude never paid for a room his whole life
with all his cripple-curing and such...
but then jew-dude, he hit the big time
made his big hangin'-by-his-hands play
and ran for India with all the cash
that his whore collected for him...
man, I never heard such a good tale
sure sounds like that jew-dude was a handful...
'round here best we got is my old preacher
when I was a kid he used to have us sit beside him
and reach into his hat he sat on his lap
and we'd stroke the bald rabbit he had in there...
poor little thing used to throw up if you really got going on the stroking
and then the preacher would reach behind our ear
and find a lolly for us
....any fucker in robes, gotta watch 'em...
and if you kill one
to be real sure
go right ahead
and kill 'em again
