The Broken Ones

my example entry:          bloody sheets drenched in regret,             death waiting hovering above the bed,  coughing sweating feverish essence,  asking god take me where its better, pleading for a cocktail to the vein or bullet to the brain. wasting away on borrowed time, waiting for a bettering tomorrow.

Poker

I became the joker,
you wouldn't deal me in.
I never had the chance to play
and so I couldn’t win.

if you had been my queen of hearts
I would have found my place,
by being the king in the pack
I could have laid an ace.

Cracks

They were visible
upon your descent
I felt spent
when you left
I needed to vent
and recollect
my strength
after picking up
the pieces of a wench

Occult Bones

Pain flows
out of my cauldron
I feel lost
I must find a dowser
My spirit is crushed
like a doodlebug

Took one push and suddenly I'm broken,
Took me up to the cliff and then threw me over,
My soul fled me as I fell to the abyss,
My heart shriveled and insanity entered my mind,
Falling down I looked wistfully to the sky,
And suddenly the darkness clouds my eyes.

No hope up high so I continued down,
Who knew where it went to,
I didn't know I was giving up,
But knew giving up was easier,
Than attempting to fly,
So I sailed down quickly farther from the sky.

As I hit the ground I caught up with reality,
What had I done,
Not that it mattered,
It was much too late now,
There's no second chances,
Once I'd gone anf fallen,
It was the end of sun and happiness.

Unmended


I shed knives and tired growls
at the door, and seek
the warmth of your slumber.

Silver slivers slice throughout,
their permanence unhinging me.
Will I be pared, whittled to nothing?

Fervently, I will you to
shut your eyes to the earlier fray,
to see past the unmended.

Harbor what’s left of me, hold fast.
Pull me together in a steady clasp.
Align the pieces, all that I am.

Grasp my irregular wants.
Deliquesce and pour your heat
into me. Nestle me from within.

Meld the fractions gently, fortake
the bladed edges. Closer,
closer, beyond the steel tears.

Instead, you drowse on,
leaving me to break.

If there was a shooting star,
I'd wish myself a gun..
With a bullet in the chamber,
And your name carved into one.

I'd wish my memory erased,
From the past couple days..
Because all your words, your wounds
Have left me in a haze.

I want to think of her,
But my mind keeps losing track,
Your image painting the walls of my mind,
And you're not holding back.

The fact that you bled..
And you bled for me,
This haunts all past scars,
And taints my memory.

                              Fading Shadow

Where did it all go wrong ? When did i start to die ?
Was it when i was 13 and each day i told a lie ?
A lie that i'd been to school & was doing well at my work
I could'nt really tell my parent i'd not been cos im a jerk
4pm i would sneak into my room, so my parents would'nt get a whiff
Not of smoke, that was kids stuff, it was the glue that i used to sniff
Trying furiously to get rid of the smell, eating onions, mints & stuff
But nothing got rid of that smell, looking back those days were tough
now 25 years have passed and im in exactly the same place
A 38yr old dickhead, oh what a fucking discrace
Been there, done it and even once was on the needle
By fuck we would have injected asprin, if they would have only made it illegal
I'd like to say "i've seen the error of my ways" but then again, i'd only be lying
And one thing i know the road that im on will only lead me to dying
A fading shadow is what i've become, but this is'nt the life for me
I just want a normal life and to grow old gracefully.

                                Down in the gutter


is this the place where i really belong ?
i don't really know, as ive been here so long
everyone looking down as if i am dirt
do they even realise that even i hurt ?
A few bad choices has put me right here
but there's one thing that i want to make clear
there has been helping hands to put me where i am
because its not through choice ive ended up in this jam
so to you people, i'd like to say a few words if i may
fuck you, fuck you, fuck you and have a nice day

The Union     ( a collaboration with Mikimoondancer)


There was an ambiguous inferance
clinging to my after thoughts and rolling
up stream.
The propulsion was forceful , un-natural
and fabricated , as if implanted against all will .
The weight of 'perhaps' lurked listlessly in the
hollow spaces of my time .
This time was of intermittent frequencies , intercepted
at any given moment .
My yesterdays' left overs sit beautifully on broken china .
Tomorrow hangs procariously through confusion , placed wrongly .
Our cauldron heavy , with doubtful brew , my heart feels like
hot tyres reaching thin ice  .
Realisation quells the punch laden with 'sounds' poison .
Penetrate me with your soul , eject us past paradise and
engulf me in your heaviest presence .
Supercede the equivocation of my own unsurety .
Tune in to the descent of our parallel frequencies , I've been with you for so long
you forgot me .
The complacency mixed with tenacity , fuelled the spell that cast us apart .
Our high hopes ride not on the sands of their approval , nor do they
rest on the banks of pretentious old fools .

it's the little things

isn't it though

the glances up and away from your face you know you didn't bother brushing your teeth this morning and your hair well what does it matter never mind the burn mark from scratching the left side of your face looks like you fucking skidded on a cheesegrater and your eyes all wet and dewy like helena oh my what the fuck is is it with you and your oh so sorry for your fucking self get UP off your arse GET UP GET UP GET UP

falls face down on the pillow can't stand another day

“Leprosy, Gurgling, Laughter, and Humanity”
http://ih3.redbubble.net/image.3998841.1689/flat,550x550,075,f.jpg
I could easily play Mr. Victim,
write down my emotions in starkness,
revealing the personal darkness I hide inside.
But in fact, we could all come out of hiding,
spell these things out in vivid detail,
all the bad things we’ve encountered,
gotten us down  in this life.

While contemplating the residue of my own strife,
I remembered a living creature I saw once.
Passing itself off  as human, covered with leprosy,
missing its legs, it crawled around naked in
the nasty Peruvian gutters on a wheeled platform.
It looked really happy when I handed it some Soles
and gave it a high five, made its day, I’m sure.
It’s smile was bigger and brighter than my neighbors,
who drives a Cadillac and has a really bad attitude.
I will never forgot that picture of sad humanity.

Then, I recalled a video I viewed on the internet once.
A few hooded cowardly terrorists were slicing off
a prisoners head with their over-sized machetes.  
While the man begged for his life,
I heard him gurgle dying,
he went limp in a pool of blood.  
They placed his head on his headless body
and laughed.  I wished I could have stopped it.
I will never forget those sounds of humanity.

Thinking about such things made my mind go numb.
My dilemma pales in comparison, guess things could
be a whole lot worse.  Of course, your pain is you own.
Still, I think I shall refrain from boring anybody
who might still  be reading about the
mediocre details of my happy life.
I will never forget being part of humanity,
how could I.

Written for another comp but very fitting for this one, as it was my most broken time.

We Never Said Goodbye



 
 
 
 
 
Our words were broken  
on the line  
we hung up on each other  
without sweet nothings  
or "goodbye"  
 
And  
 
I never heard your voice again  
the chance snatched away  
to say our sorry's  
to kiss and make up  
 
Instead of words being broken  
 
I was  
 
The ghost of you hung so heavy  
around my shattered heart  
when you left me forever  
 
You did not even tell me  
that you were leaving  
 
I laid myself down  
in a body bag  
but no one would zip it up  
so I just had to carry on "living"  
 
 
Our words were broken  
on the line  
we hung up on each other  
without sweet nothings  
or "goodbye"  
 
 
But  
 
I did see your face again  
you were laying in your coffin  
before you became dust  
 
 
And we never got to say sorry or goodbye...  





 

Story of my life...
____________________

Can you feel those crystal tears,
That fall through my transparent cheeks?
Of pain, sorrow and agony,
That piled up throughout the week.

Fallen treasures amidst the rain,
My body endured all it could,
Till it was numb and senseless,
If i could catch tears from the sky, i would.

For a moment one could see,
The jewels that hung in midair so magnificently,
The cold that swept and overpowered,
Came with each glittering touch.

Reminding me how dark my soul was,
And how pure those tears were,
Made me cringe in disgust,
As i remembered how i threw away everyone's trust.

Psycho-ing myself to truly believe,
That i was worth nothing to hide the pain,
But it took over and became part of me,
And then real me was eventually slain.

My own worst enemy,
The only one i can trust,
My own destruction,
My only heart, turned to dust.

In the beginning,
When it was laid to waste,
It lay cradled in bandages,
Then turned to ice then stone.

A fortress built so high,
That it shut out the light as far as the eye could see,
When darkness reigned over,
The forgotten stone turned colder than ice.

It was different now,
The stone cracked on its own,
A crack lead to a clean split,
Then crumbled away, all alone.

She Is Done

 
 
Corrosion eats it's way through
destroying the intricately woven them
sentenced to nothing their dreams lost
 
 
The words that he spoke cut deeply
as he sliced her throat with their sharp edge
then sunk them into her chest one after the other
where her heart bled and her lungs collapsed
 
 
They echoed in her head over and over
she covered her ears but they pierced her mind
 
 
Warm turns cold as she sits on the ice mountain
alone and desolate she feels betrayed by herself
as her vow slipped by the wayside on a chance
which was lost among the dying flowers she held
 
 
Closed to words that end always too soon
an obsession is all she became
toxic
 
 
She is an echo of pain that drives it's way through
swimming through her veins sleeping in her bones
the static sparks off her body in blue light as it stings
her conscience is stained with lived out tragic truths
 
 
She lays naked verbally fucked  
a lethal dosage of her own desires  
crippled any chance
 
She withdraws
 
Bows out
 
She is done.