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This is one of my many unfinished writes... I wouldn't call it a poem, but that's just me.
Don't be so quick to blame Karma. Karma has a built engine to do what it does. It is a balance. It has a
function and a reason. It is not cruel on its own. Remember that it is however in part the reaction to your
existence. Every thing you do creates a pattern on its net. Which inhibit your life time. In other words,
watch your actions, because what you do will come around again. Karma is what you do.
Trust me I've felt the waves crash against my mind. Like a mental synapse making me scream through
out.
I can't say that I'm OK.
In fact I don’t know what I'm going to do.
I don’t know what to say.
When I'm snared shut. I can never lighten up.
I've been trying to break free for so long
I’m often left tense in my self
listening to music while not hearing the song
my right leg always restless.
I cant see how I'm going to make it on my own.
I struggle day to day just to remind myself not to give up.
I survive without tone.
But on and on we go.
Cant you dance to the sounds?
Sweet melody oh sweet melody.
Move around the round.
It sucks but it's all I got. Say anything if ya want. It's here for now.
Don't be so quick to blame Karma. Karma has a built engine to do what it does. It is a balance. It has a
function and a reason. It is not cruel on its own. Remember that it is however in part the reaction to your
existence. Every thing you do creates a pattern on its net. Which inhibit your life time. In other words,
watch your actions, because what you do will come around again. Karma is what you do.
Trust me I've felt the waves crash against my mind. Like a mental synapse making me scream through
out.
I can't say that I'm OK.
In fact I don’t know what I'm going to do.
I don’t know what to say.
When I'm snared shut. I can never lighten up.
I've been trying to break free for so long
I’m often left tense in my self
listening to music while not hearing the song
my right leg always restless.
I cant see how I'm going to make it on my own.
I struggle day to day just to remind myself not to give up.
I survive without tone.
But on and on we go.
Cant you dance to the sounds?
Sweet melody oh sweet melody.
Move around the round.
It sucks but it's all I got. Say anything if ya want. It's here for now.
APetalFallen said:This is one of my many unfinished writes... I wouldn't call it a poem, but that's just me.
Don't be so quick to blame Karma. Karma has a built engine to do what it does. It is a balance. It has a
function and a reason. It is not cruel on its own. Remember that it is however in part the reaction to your
existence. Every thing you do creates a pattern on its net. Which inhibit your life time. In other words,
watch your actions, because what you do will come around again. Karma is what you do.
Trust me I've felt the waves crash against my mind. Like a mental synapse making me scream through
out.
I can't say that I'm OK.
In fact I don’t know what I'm going to do.
I don’t know what to say.
When I'm snared shut. I can never lighten up.
I've been trying to break free for so long
I’m often left tense in my self
listening to music while not hearing the song
my right leg always restless.
I cant see how I'm going to make it on my own.
I struggle day to day just to remind myself not to give up.
I survive without tone.
But on and on we go.
Cant you dance to the sounds?
Sweet melody oh sweet melody.
Move around the round.
It sucks but it's all I got. Say anything if ya want. It's here for now.
Hi, Michael.
This seems to me to be two separate poems. You could either develop each half of it and have two good poems or you could work on the transition between the two halves to make it into a more cohesive whole.
Regardless, all the best and welcome to DU. 👍
Don't be so quick to blame Karma. Karma has a built engine to do what it does. It is a balance. It has a
function and a reason. It is not cruel on its own. Remember that it is however in part the reaction to your
existence. Every thing you do creates a pattern on its net. Which inhibit your life time. In other words,
watch your actions, because what you do will come around again. Karma is what you do.
Trust me I've felt the waves crash against my mind. Like a mental synapse making me scream through
out.
I can't say that I'm OK.
In fact I don’t know what I'm going to do.
I don’t know what to say.
When I'm snared shut. I can never lighten up.
I've been trying to break free for so long
I’m often left tense in my self
listening to music while not hearing the song
my right leg always restless.
I cant see how I'm going to make it on my own.
I struggle day to day just to remind myself not to give up.
I survive without tone.
But on and on we go.
Cant you dance to the sounds?
Sweet melody oh sweet melody.
Move around the round.
It sucks but it's all I got. Say anything if ya want. It's here for now.
Hi, Michael.
This seems to me to be two separate poems. You could either develop each half of it and have two good poems or you could work on the transition between the two halves to make it into a more cohesive whole.
Regardless, all the best and welcome to DU. 👍
APetalFallen said:I don't call them poems... or two separate poems. It's just a document with some scribble. Why do you say they are two different poems? I'm just curious, why else would I ask?
Even if it's a document – and a poem is, among other things, a document – with some scribble, it seems to me to be two documents that, in their present form, do not belong together. Like peas with ice-cream, they'd be better as separate courses. Of course that's up to you, but as you've posted it/them in the Workshop thread, I assume you're not happy with it/them in its/their present form, hence my original suggestion.
Best wishes
Even if it's a document – and a poem is, among other things, a document – with some scribble, it seems to me to be two documents that, in their present form, do not belong together. Like peas with ice-cream, they'd be better as separate courses. Of course that's up to you, but as you've posted it/them in the Workshop thread, I assume you're not happy with it/them in its/their present form, hence my original suggestion.
Best wishes
How do you know that ONE single document of SCRIBBLE is two different "writes" or attempts at writes? You sound contrived as hell. You do realize that right? What next your gonna say "Hey! Wait now! I have a Ph.D and I bent a spoon underneath a tent at a SpEcIaL gathering... THERE is no spoon."
Fucking idiots. There REALLY R SPOONS FUCKING EVERYWHERE.
Fucking idiots. There REALLY R SPOONS FUCKING EVERYWHERE.
