Wet and shiny

It feels as if I slept for a year... What truly surprised me
Was that I woke up, I secretly never thought my eyes
Would open again. I need to go for the prize package
Extravaganza now, nothing less will do, nothing less
Will keep me going. I have to shoot for it all, I have to
Walk in rhythm to the possibility that I just might win
In this particular round that is my life after all.
It's the only fantasy now capable of lending me
The strength I need. Earlier it truly humbled me,
The magnitude of what I'd done, I realized I was so
Traumatized that my sex drive was weak. Then it
Hit me I think it was merely shame and guilt,
Because about a certain someone I knew
I wanted to fuck the shit out of him and suck
His dick so hard I'd get to the very marrow of his
Bones. I want to become the woman he'd want
To stay with, I want to get the beautiful feminine body
He deserves, I want to wake him up in the middle
Of the night with his cock in my throat. And for some
Reason I think of my daughter, I want to try to
Make her happy again. I think of the way I grew up,
My parents treated me like a friend and never a child.
Unconsciously I did the exact same thing to her.
And she grew up resenting this, she needed strong
Boundaries and guidance. The Christmas when she
Was an infant and I held her up to the tree, and she
Reached in wide eyed wordless fascination towards
A wetly shiny blue ornament. My mother clenched her
Teeth in fear, fearing a soft splintering all over the carpet,
And in my head I thought a question which would become
A familiar tattoo for the next 18 years... Am I doing the
Right thing? Am I doing what other parents do? I always
Wanted her to experience life, to be able to enjoy and
Know everything tactile, everything that made one feel
Something and made life worth living. But in the process
Of freedom I never taught her temperance and restraint.
Now when I walk by her her hands itch to reach out
And strike me. I want to try again, I want to do anything
To make her smile at me again. Her teddy bear on my
Floor brings endless waves of burning searing stinging
Pain to my eyes. So I will walk and move tonight
To the hope that I'll be making her and my new husband
Pancakes one morning and I turn to her and suddenly
I'm greeted by the most wonderful gift a mother could
Receive, her beautiful face lighting up in love and pride,
Her sing song lovely voice saying,
Mom, I never realized how much I love you.