face to face with a demon

back and forth.. back and forth,
always looking for more.. looking to score,
Every day was the same things,
the pain remained and when it rained it poured,
even cocaine canopies could not handle me,
no... not anymore,
I swore I would let that shit be,
Honestly I hate to need anything,
I don't need a reason to be crazy,
lately i have been flakey,
always say maybe,
sometimes a bit shady,
That's not me lets keep it real,
emotions easily concealed,
be it a needle or some sour diesel,
Whatever can steal the feels,
whatever keeps me off the field,
I need some time now,
my mind needs to heal,
I see whats mine now,
a new life is revealed,
sober and scared shitless,
wishing for forgiveness,
Looking at my life i feel like a witness,
who's this sick kid catching convictions,
addiction is an illness,
only some recover,
shout out to my fallen brothers,
you are part of me now,
I just want you to be proud,
But I got to do this for me,
I can't lead a life that empty,
a broken assembly,
mid twenties bumbling fumbling
picking up pennies,
i'm ready for anything,
ready to face my worst enemy,
I am talking about me..
I am used to defeat,
my self esteem has been depleted,
face to face with a demon,
but i believe in me,
I have plenty of reasons to succeed,
a supportive family,
damn I am lucky,
One day I know they will trust me,
I got loads of work to do,
I need new perspectives
no disconnection,
new attitude,
time to reflection
new pursuits,
metal fortitude
and a new direction
self respect will slowly build,
I will sharpen my skills,
a new life i will fill with thrills,
no need for anymore pills,