Rosemary's Baby Burps And Farts

 Away in a playroom, a crib for his bed

Rosemary’s baby laid down his sweet head

The stars on his mobile looked down where he sat

As baby smiled sweetly and eyed up the cat


The cat crept into his crib, crapped and crept back out

This cat, as cats go, was a bit of a lout

Creeping back he’d forgotten to steal the baby's breath

But baby’s breath smelled like nothing on earth


What have you been eating cat said with a meow

Your breath smells like the back end of a cow

Cat’s crap he had left was no longer there

As baby then grabbed a fistful of cat hair


Cat wasn't stupid, Cat wasn't thick

But not quick enough to avoid all that sick

Baby spewed out to pints of green gooo

Straight over the cat making him look like stew


Rosemary's baby gave a grin then a slurp

From the root of his toes came an almighty burp

The room started shaking, things falling about

The cat being wiser, as he had crept in, he crept out


The door then flung open “how’s mummy's wee boy"

She was hit square in the face by a low flying toy

"Just look at this mess you really are naughty"

"you’re  filthy and dirty, your nose is all snotty"


Rosemary smiled "you're still Mummy's pet"

She was stabbed in the leg with a gray plastic jet

She let out a scream and fell into the cot

And got covered in vomit, cat fur and snot


A quick change and powder the baby looked cute

As he slid down the length of his orange plastic chute

He crawled a short distance and rose from the floor

Slamming poor Rosemary's head in the toy cupboard door


She sat there still bleeding, he sat there quite meek

He then blew his nose down the length of her cheek

She picked him up sharply full of vengeance and hate

And plonked him in the playpen and padlocked the gate


She watched for a moment and tried to calm down

She gave him his favorite, a large teddy clown

He hugged tightly teddy, looked it straight in the eye

Then ripped of his head screaming "Clown, clown must die"


He sat in his playpen sucking his toes

When all of a sudden it sped up mum's nose

A cloud of aroma like onions and gravy

Could this smell really have come from her baby?


His neck went stiff, his cheeks went red

Veins stuck out on the side of his head

He lay on his back, kicked his legs wide apart

With evil intent, let rip a thunderous fart


Rosemary using both hands pinched up her nose

But all through the room the temperature rose

Plastic toys melted, bears burst into flames

Cat laid dead on a pile of board games


The smell was too much baby staggered about

His eyes rolled over white and then he passed out

Mummy sat beside him stroking his hair

The number 666 became suddenly clear


She screamed in horror, raised her hand in a fist

In the doorway stood a rottweiler who looked rather pissed

Baby’s eyes flickered open shouting “Mum, mum hit deck"

With one bound and one bite the dog broke her neck


Rosemary's baby now lives on his own

Protected by Satan and a dog with a bone

He lives on raw meat and teddy bear hearts

Still Rosemary's baby burps and farts