Letter to a Friend

 
I lost a friend.

I lost some one I loved.

I lost many things when I lost you.

I miss you dearly I've nearly cried so many times I can't stand to count.

I miss you poorly.

I haven't kept in touch.

I know I haven't held up my end of the bargain.

I told you I'd never forget you and I haven't

I want you to know I miss you.

I want you to know that I need you.

I hope you know how much you meant to me.

I hope you see how hard it was for me to just watch you leave that night.

The last hug I ever got from my closest friend.

I would say sister but we were too close for that kind of bond.

You understood me better than most.

You fought with me like none dared.

And you stayed with me when no one cared.

And I stood by you.

I want to do the same again.

But I can't because we don't know each other anymore.

You left and so much changed.

I needed you and you weren't there.

Neither of those were your fault I know.

But there is an empty spot in me that only you can fill.

I'm crying for you now.

I'm crying because I'm missing a part of me that I never knew you held.

I'm crying for you.

I'm hurting because I miss you.

I go by your house and remember how many times I spent with you there.

I sit in this house a remember the times you spent with me there.

I see the phone and I remember the nights that you'd call me when you had a problem.

I see the school and I remember when you used to run up to me in the halls and hug me tight.

I see so many things that make me remember the things I lost when I lost you.

I know I am being selfish right now.

Many people miss you.

And many were hurt when you had to leave.

But of all of them I think I am one of the two you actually took a piece of with you.

I would have loved you had it not been for the one you were with at the time.

I would have cared for you had I not been caring for someone else.

I would have belonged to you had I been given the chance.

We said it would have been awkward.

I don't think so but now neither of us will ever know.

I don't know if you feel the same.

I don't know if you thought of me as dearly as I thought of you.

All I know is that I miss you.

All I know is that I want you to come back.

By yourself with him or with your family it doesn't matter.

I just want you to come back.

I can't stop the tears.

I can't stop the emptiness that I just found was there.

I'd been hiding it from myself for almost a year.

I hadn't thought about it until now.

I tried to accept your gone.

I tried to believe I could stop it.

I tried to fight my way through it.

But it seems that your the one person that was too close for me to push my feelings for aside.

I know this is sudden.

I know this is out of nowhere.

I can't help it I have to get it out.

I have to let you know.

I have to say.

I love you.

In what way I am not sure.

For how long I think I may have an idea.

I don't know how deep this goes.

I don't know how long I've held it in.

I don't know how long I've hidden it from myself and everyone around me.

All I know is I love and miss you.