words to her

i know i shoulda asked
what the deal was  
between us
but I didn't  
and now i'm stuck
wondering
hoping
you aren't fucking
another man
 
my thoughts are locked onto
the lovely moments
when you laughed and smiled
the last time we talked
as we drank tea together
oh how that contrasted
the abrupt end
of a pleasant conversation
when you suddenly said  
"I have to meet a friend for dinner"
 
perhaps what i should have done
was ask you to eat with me instead
wouldave bought you any food you wanted
but i just let that thought die in my head
...........
maybe i shouldn't of?
..............
because as i was leaving
you were getting changed in front of me
..well...ok
in your bedroom  
but the door was wide open  
like an invitation disgused as temptation
 
 
i just grabbed my books said goodbye and left
 
 
i know...i know..
i'm "over analyzing" everything about
what could have been in the past
instead of opening the gift of the present
 
 
but let me finish
 
 
after leaving your apartment
i felt inspired as i closed your door
and made a b line right
i walked for over an hour  
straight down a crooked side walk
through a suburb surrounding our college
i saw mountains on the horizon
used them to keep my direction  
and thought of you when i saw them
then  
faster than lighting strikes
i realized
i've created
a pointless crisis
but  
this was quickly replaced
with thoughts of you and us or what could be
which i mulled over and over as i walked
stopping only once  
to watch a blue jay glide over my head
 
time quickly passed  
as i walked hand in hand with the same old thoughts
until i noticed the sun was setting  
which i took as a sign to turn around
so  
i retraced my steps  
before realizing  
i somehow got lost
 
the moon was hiding behind dark clouds  
the whole time i found my way back
thank God for street lamps