deepundergroundpoetry.com
gym class, ninth grade
i. no amount of fire i spat at you and your snowstorm heart was ever enough to make it feel again like the summer we met
ii. i keep lighting matches in my ribcage hoping to melt you right out of the puncture wounds you left in my chest
iii. it’s been almost 24 months since then and i’m still swallowing antifreeze
ii. i keep lighting matches in my ribcage hoping to melt you right out of the puncture wounds you left in my chest
iii. it’s been almost 24 months since then and i’m still swallowing antifreeze
Published 18th Mar 2013
| Edited 19th Mar 2013
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Anonymous
18th Mar 2013 10:40pm
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18th Mar 2013 11:46pm
I like this quite a bit.
It's construction, it's brevity, it's clear voice- it is a stand alone piece of work.
A thought regarding the word positions in line one;
If it was reworked to read '...make it feel again like the summer we met' the message would fly straighter.
It's construction, it's brevity, it's clear voice- it is a stand alone piece of work.
A thought regarding the word positions in line one;
If it was reworked to read '...make it feel again like the summer we met' the message would fly straighter.
19th Mar 2013 00:28am
AH YOU LITERALLY JUST MADE MY NIGHT! I'd been struggling with that line for so long and I finally just gave up. I edited it, thank you so much :3 xo
